Friday, November 12, 2010

Seasons

My life is good. I have absolutely nothing to complain about and everything good to praise the Lord for. That’s the good news.

The flip side is that I know two great ladies whose children have cancer, I am now acquainted with more than a handful of people who have lost children before birth, and almost every person on our block has spent time unemployed in the last two years.

I feel this very bipolar need to be giddy happy and overwhelmingly sad all at the same time. Can you rejoice in the miracles of your own life when others are suffering? And where is my sadness coming from? Honestly, I think enough of myself to say that I truly feel horrible when things are happening to other people that aren’t good. However, I also know human nature, and I am so very human. And selfish. I don’t like bad things in close proximity to me. It’s different to read about tragedies happening to people you don’t know; it’s quite another to know the person, put a face to the pain. It gives you the “if it can happen to them, could it happen to me?” kind of feeling, and those are questions I’d rather leave unexamined.

Plus, I always seem to find out about things happening to other people when I am not feeling grateful enough for my gifts, adding a layer of questions on top of questions. Am I a bad person for complaining to my husband about Braxton Hicks contractions and an achy back when I am lucky to have a healthy pregnancy and still be perfectly mobile this close to the end of it? Is it possible to feel sympathy for others and still acknowledge the petty annoyances of everyday life without a being a completely ungrateful shrew?

I think many of these questions arise from my lack of time spent with the Lord. For instance, as I watched Wren play in the bathtub tonight, I wondered how I would explain to her that good people, even kids, get sick. How do you explain about the love of Christ and the cruelty of the world and their incongruent existence in the same realm? I know there are a million Bible answers to those kind of questions, but as a somewhat Bible studying adult, the questions still floor me sometimes. However, if I was actually spending more time talking to God, listening when He tries to answer me, I might not have to spend so much time trying to come up with answers of my own. I might understand more about times to weep and times to rejoice and that everything has a season.

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