Tuesday, February 5, 2013
A Mid-Year Reflection on the Jesus Year
At 33 and a half, I wanted to take a chance to look back and see what, if anything, has been accomplished in my Jesus year so far. What of value has occurred? How do you measure the tangibility of spiritual growth? I’m not 100% sure, so this post may be a bit non-linear and only make sense in my head.
We made a big trusting God decision in October: the decision to get pregnant again. We wanted more kids but were gun shy after the beating of 2011 which involved illness falling on both of our children and leaving us feeling vulnerable and raw. However, we felt the desire to have more children at the same time without having talked to each other about it, and we knew as Christians it wasn’t Biblical to let fear rule our lives. Did it seem like the perfect time with me in the middle of grad school again and us just getting back to normal sleep schedules and no one having adverse reactions to carrots? Who knows? God said it was the right time, we both knew it, and two weeks later we were pregnant.
Then there was the six week period of time when the twins were believed to be mono-mono. I have no idea why that period of time had to exist, but I do know that throughout it I didn’t doubt that I was supposed to be pregnant. I doubted whether I was going to meet my kids this side of Heaven, but I knew I was supposed to be pregnant. For one of the first times in my life, I didn’t second guess God’s instructions or fear I had heard Him wrong. It was the only reason I was even moderately sane during that time.
Now we are expecting mono-di twins, and I am enjoying the pregnancy sure whatever lies ahead is part of a bigger plan, therefore not worried. This pregnancy, like all pregnancies, is not without risks, but it’s just a joy to feel little kicks and know we trusted.
I am approximately half-way through the Bible. I think the bigger accomplishment is that I enjoy reading the Bible and I miss it if a day goes by when I don’t get it done due to not prioritizing correctly. I have seen God in different ways, been in awe, confused, confirmed in my beliefs, and everything in between, and I haven’t even hit the New Testament yet. Though not a Biblical scholar, I feel good at the pace I’m going and at the joy I take in the reading.
This one leaves me feeling very stagnant. Yes, we have attempted to stay financially committed to the poor, the sick, the local church. Have I actively been out in the world finding ways to help others? Not really. The mission trip we planned for one of us to go on in July has been postponed due to the impending arrival of the twins, which is okay. Mission trips are a part of our future; this is just a delay. However, I’m not setting the example I want for my kids in this area, though we are making small steps. I don’t think this one should actually be that hard, but somehow I manage to make it that way being selfish, busy, unaware of where the time and energy of each day goes. Probably not having a completely open heart, not really loving the way Christ did and not praying for that love to overtake me is the core of the problem. Who really wants to hurt for other people? That’s a rough one to ask for, but that's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.