The Birthday Girls

My youngest kids are now five years-old, and that is just totally weird. Sticking to tradition, they were sick the week of their birthday, which has happened every single year since they turned one. The actual day of their birthday was fever-free, but the next day Asher came down with croup and Eowyn followed two days later. We had to postpone their party for a week, but they eventually hit the pool with friends, pizza, and so much sugar. I took no pictures of this party because I suck.

When Wren and Sam went to VBS in June, I was with Asher and Eowyn on their own for a couple of hours a day for a week. This is something that pretty much never happens because we're all usually together. We went to the library everyday, and people kept telling me how kind they were and how well they shared. 

I'm not going to lie, I was kind of shocked. All of the things those people said were true, but I had stopped seeing them. Having four kids is wonderful, but it leaves me simply commenting on bad behavior a lot in an attempt to keep the train on the tracks. Asher and Eowyn especially get this from me. That week reminded me that they do so much good, and I notice very little. I'm working on it.

Eowyn this year

She tried spicy chicken and loved it.
She loves roller coasters at Six Flags and cries when she isn't tall enough to ride one.
Eowyn played lookout/potty flusher/evidence destroyer for Asher when Asher swallowed a non-edible item. We were waiting for Asher to poop it out, but she was adamant that she never swallowed it. Why, then, did she have her sister flush the toilet every time poop hit the water? Asher was still going while Eowyn was frantically flushing. I just hope these two use their forces for good. If not, sorry.
Eowyn stuck a Perler bead up her nose. It was not awesome.
She loves books and drawing, and D has even taken some of her characters and transformed them into adult art pieces.
While mad at Asher, Eowyn screamed, "I don't want to be your twin!" to which Asher replied, "That happened in mom's stomach! You can't change it!"

Asher this year

She likely swallowed broccoli Shopkins, but who really knows.
She is standing out on her own by choosing not to ride as many roller coasters as Eowyn.
She is a total water baby who petitioned to remove her floaties and won.
Asher loves to draw and loves books. The Ling and Ting series is a favorite of them both, and Asher really likes Peppa the Pig books.
She interprets song lyrics to hilarious effect. We all now sing Sweet Dreams are Made of This with the lyrics, "Everybody's looking for dumplings."

Eowyn smirking.

These two are starting kindergarten this year, and I have no doubt they will be great learners. I'm lucky to have them.

June Book List

We're halfway through the year, and I am officially proclaiming 2018 a great year for readers. The books I've read so far this year have given me so much joy, and here are the ones I made it through in June.

Fiction

The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout

Strout abandoned the style I know her for and opted for a straight-forward narrative told about the Burgess boys, two brothers from Maine held together by tragedy. Taking place in both Maine and New York, we learn about the Burgess boys when they try to help their sister with her son, a teen who has just committed a crime and started a major uproar in the small Maine community where the sister and son still live.

Strout's characters are rich, the plot intriguing, and the overall effect enthralling. She knows people, what motivates them and how they fit, and this is one of her greatest gifts to readers.


On Beauty by Zadie Smith

I am continuing my obsession with Zadie Smith's work, and "On Beauty" did not disappoint. Smith tells the story of the Kipps and the Belseys, two families differing in political and ideological views whose lives collide, often to comic results, at an American university.

Smith's gift is her use of dialogue, her understanding of who her characters are, and the way she weaves social issues into the daily lives of her characters. This book was funny and serious and heartbreaking, and I'm finding that to be true for most of Smiths' work. My introduction to her fiction was "Swing Time," but I think I loved "On Beauty" even more.

Florida by Lauren Groff

It's not fair to go into a book expecting it to be an earlier book. I made that mistake with Groff's story collection "Florida" mainly because I fell hard for "Fates and Furies" a couple of years back and will likely hold every book she ever pens against that one.

Once I adjusted, I enjoyed the stories about people who are in Florida or are somehow connected to the state. Most stories don't actually connect at all, though there are some that have the same female protagonist. 

The stories are character driven, interesting sketches of human beings and the circumstances they find themselves in surrounded by the relentless creatures and disasters of the Sunshine State. "Fates and Furies" is still my favorite by her, but this was a solid collection.

Kudos by Rachel Cusk

The third and final installment of Cusk's Outline trilogy is breathtaking, just like the previous books, Outline and Transition. Cusk's writing is unique because she does not give readers what they expect. The background of many characters, even the main protagonist, are sparse, but she creates conversations between characters that speak truths about humanity. People don't simply shoot the shit when they speak in a Cusk novel. They get down to the nitty gritty of existence in the best possible way.

I love Cusk's work and fell in love with her words and style the moment I started reading "Outline." Kudos was a beautiful finale that offered depth and a shattering ending scene that will not leave me anytime soon, if ever.

Asymmetry by Lisa Halliday

So I can't say much about this one, but please, someone go read it and then let's chat. Here are the basics: young professional, Alice, begins an unlikely relationship with famous writer, Ezra. It's a strange courtship considering the fact that Ezra is many decades older than Alice, but it has its tender moments. This is the central focus of the first section of the book titled "Folly."

Amar, an Iraqi-American, reflects on his past while held in an airport during the early 21st century. His story unfolds through flashbacks as readers wait to see his fate. This makes up the section called "Madness."

These two stories lead to the final installment that will either leave readers satisfied or totally pissed. I am in the first category, but I've read enough reviews to know many people are not.

"Asymmetry" is one of those books I love because I can't stop thinking about it. Halliday brings so many questions to the surface, and I absolutely do not have the answers. What more could you ask an author to do for you?

Non-fiction

Happy as a Dane: 10 Secrets of the Happiest People in the World by Malene Rydahl

If you're familiar with hygge and how Danes are so popular for their happiness status, this book won't offer any new revelations. However, it does explore some of the paradoxes, such as how Denmark rates so high in happiness rankings when suicide is still a major issue for this country.

Rydahl covers ten basic values that give Danes the happiness edge, and she discusses how these work in real life settings and what it means for Danes who have to compete with other countries where productivity, not happiness, is the goal. It was an enjoyable read.

Comfort Detox: Finding Freedom from Habits that Bind You Erin M. Straza

I had a hard time getting into "Comfort Detox." I loved the topic and the challenge to live outside of our comfort zones for a greater purpose, but the writing made me feel like I was slogging through, even when I enjoyed the content.

Having read Half the Sky and other books about problems around the globe caused by poverty, I am familiar with Straza's take on Christians needing to live outside of our comforts so others can simply live. It was a great reminder, and she brings up very relevant points about our habits and how many of us don't seek comfort from Christ. We like things and food and excess and comfort and use those as Band Aids instead of seeking God and serving others. Again, the writing wasn't my favorite, but the message is solid.

Everything That Remains: A Memoir by the Minimalists

I expected to like this book, and I did enjoy the content. However, like Straza's, I had a hard time with the writing. Set up as a journal, it felt like reading Joshua Fields Millburn's diary while also having to flip to the back for notes from Ryan Nicodemus, his friend and other half of the Minimalists. The dialogue often felt stilted, even though it was based off of real conversations.

The point of the book and the focus on  minimalism was good. Millburn walks reader through how he cleared his life of material excess, and this led to a whole other journey of ridding life of other excesses. From abandoning to-do lists, not having Internet access, and not worshipping achievements, Millburn shows how embracing minimalism is about so much more than just not buying junk. Unfortunately, for a book on minimalism the actual writing and format felt extremely clunky.

I follow The Minimalists on Twitter and will likely start listening to their podcast, but this was not my favorite book on minimalism.


Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation by Sharon Salzberg

After reading both of Dan Harris' books on meditation and happiness, I picked up Sharon Salzberg's guide because Harris recommends her strongly. I will buy this book and keep it on my nightstand because it is the perfect guide for meditation, mindfulness, and compassion.

Salzberg explains why we should mediate and then leads readers through many guided meditations to build their practice. The book is set up to be a 28 day guide with each week focusing on a different type of meditation. There is a CD to help with guided meditation, and Salzberg's writing is instructive, informative, and encouraging. Whether you are new to meditation or a seasoned meditator, this is a perfect read.

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown

This should be required reading for all white people. Austin Channing Brown tells what it is like growing up black in a world where her name was chosen to help her appear white on job applications because her parents knew that was her best shot at getting interviews as a black woman in America. She tells of her journey learning to love her Blackness and the challenges of working with organizations, mainly Christian ones, that say they want to have a diverse company but usually just want a few non-white faces to stand out in the crowd, not divergent views that might make other people face their own prejudices.

You will be convicted and uncomfortable while reading this book, and that is good. Sit with those feelings and listen to Channing Brown as she gives us all advice on how we can do better.

Essays

We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby

I first read Irby's work in Nasty Women, where she penned an essay on being a black, queer woman in Trump country. Immediately enchanted, I put her newest book of essays on hold and devoured them in a matter of hours.

Irby writes about serious life matters using humor to leave the reader unsure whether to laugh or weep. I managed both by the end of the book. She is honest and covers topics some readers may not be able to handle. Nothing I can think of is off limits, and Irby's vocabulary and imagination are vast.

I love Irby's writing, her wit, her honesty, and her cynicism. This is another essay book from the first half of the year that I will likely read more than once.

Meaty by Samantha Irby

Of course after reading Irby's latest publication, I went back for her earlier essays. I enjoyed "Meaty," especially when she dived into deeper topics like her complicated relationship with her mother.

Irby pushes the exploration of taboo topics even further in "Meaty," and I think that's why I liked "We are Never Meeting in Real Life" better. I felt like Irby was still trying to find the balance between honesty and over-the-top in this one, but it is still an amazing book of essays that kept me laughing and thinking, a good combo.


There are No Grown Ups: A Midlife Coming of Age Story by Pamela Druckerman

I had mixed feelings when I read Druckerman's previous book, Bringing up Bebe. One thing I knew for sure was that I would not fit in with French women, and that was totally confirmed in this book.

Druckerman, an American journalist living in France, explores what it is like to be in the middle phase of life. Each chapter offers ways to know you're in your forties, such as cellulite on your arms (I have it and I am not yet forty) and people calling you ma'am. Because she lives in France, much of her exploration of middle age centers on French women, the affairs they have, the lingerie they wear in their sixties (I'm not even forty yet but the sixty year old in the sexy underthings is kicking my ass in this department) and what it means to have an identity as a middle aged woman in France. I didn't find these sections particularly useful, though it's interesting to know how women in other places are getting through midlife.

Druckerman is at her best when she is researching wisdom, sharing tidbits from Freud and Jung, and opening up about her cancer diagnosis and how it altered her view of middle age in certain ways. The book beautifully evolves to an ending that explores more of Druckerman's ancestry and what shaped the approaches her family took to life, approaches that have led Druckerman to this place in her own midlife experience.

If you want to know more about that ménage a trois she agreed to for her husband's 40th birthday, you will find it here, though I've informed D that asking me for a ménage a trois as a gift is the same as asking for a divorce. She wrote an article about it around the same time "Bringing up Bebe" came out, and it caused quite a stir. She explores more about that time in her life in a chapter of this book.


Memoir


Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot

It's hard to nail this one down, but I will try. Mailhot's memoir of her life as a Native American woman suffering with mental health issues and recovering from trauma is raw, beautiful, and as hard to read as it is to put down. She shares her experiences in sparse chapters that unashamedly point fingers, not just at others but often at herself, highlighting the losses she's lived through and the toll her cumulative experiences have had on her present life.

In the interview at the end of the book, Mailhot admits that she started this book as fiction but decided to come out with the full truth and offer it as a memoir. Some reviewers have complained about this, saying it renders the writing less than authentic, but I don't agree. Anyone who has written knows that playing around with style doesn't mean the content isn't accurate. Mailhot said she worked for a detached voice, though most readers think that's just how she writes, and I understand her desire for a style that sounded both desperate yet removed. Reliving past trauma might be slightly less jarring if the author can play around with writing style to detach.

I waited for this one to finally be available at the library, and it was worth it. Shattering and honest, it's a unique book from a real talent.

Persevering in June

The first six months of the year are gone.  How exactly did that happen?  Here's what I focused on in June.

Getting Rid of Plastic

In our continued effort to treat the planet better, I purchased reusable bags to replace Ziploc bags in our house. I'm hoping that my kids won't throw them away and that we'll find them as convenient as the less eco-friendly type. I plan on reviewing them once we've used them longer.

Letting Go of Expectations and Outcomes

Part of what I've learned studying meditation and mindfulness is how important it is to let go of expectations. This doesn't mean I can't hope for things, but letting go of how I expect a situation to turn out or how I expect someone to act is freeing because it allows me to live in the experience. I notice what is actually happening. I respond to what is, not my disappointment about what isn't.
This isn't easy, and I am working on it every day.

Writing Without Reader Eyes

I spent the whole month of June writing creatively and did not submit one word. This goes back to letting go of outcomes and expectations. I am trying to master my craft, write what I care about, and plow through about 17 essays and stories that are started but not finished. It's been refreshing to just write without taking time out for the submission process.

Yes, I do want these pieces to find homes, but that's not my primary concern right now. I'm writing for me and so I can grow in this area. I may continue this through July because I've enjoyed it so much. Maybe in August I can spend a ton of time just writing cover letters and submitting.

Being the Support Person

D is trying to finish his final graduate college classes this summer. That's been intense, and he's needed time to study as well as hold down a full-time job and parent. I'm trying to do what I can to take the load off of him in other areas of life, even if it's something as stupid as taking the trash out instead of waiting for him to drag that mess to the curb.

Marriage is precious when each of you can slide into the role you need to fill at the time. D usually takes the kids to the pool in the afternoons so I can get a break, but I have been doing that this summer so he can come home from work and start studying. I've realized how much I take him for granted and how he constantly expresses gratitude, an area I need to majorly work on.

Actually Eating the Vegetables

I'm still eating a sort of pescatarian diet that also includes eggs. Guess what I learned? There are tons of really unhealthy vegetarian-style foods out there. I knew this already because we have been through the gluten-free transition. Sure, you can eat healthier on a gluten-free diet, but you can also just eat gluten-free crap.

I am trying to make taking meat out of my diet = adding more vegetables, not more meat-free trash food. It's hard. I am never going to be one of those girls who gets excited about cauliflower or who salivates thinking of a soup made with squash. Those people are adorable, but I'm not one of them.

Salad? Yeah, I am trying to do that, but potato chips with black bean dip are also vegetarian, so I have to make myself choose wisely. This month has been a challenge, but I'm moving that direction.

No Summer School, Sort Of

For the first time in our homeschooling lives, we've decided to take a summer off. I ask the kids to read daily, but that's about it. However, we are working on other skills, mainly training our brains to handle big feelings without repressing or being totally controlled by them.

I've introduced activities, books, and workbooks on mindfulness, empathy, and calming down, as well as working through techniques for dealing with anxiety. Being able to handle emotions is the gift that keeps on giving, and I am honestly just now getting better at dealing with repressed issues and investigating my feelings without being owned by them. I want my kids to be able to do this much earlier in life. The public library and Pinterest have helped tons on this journey.

Creating

I am in the process of:
Creating a new art/homeschool room design
Creating a calm down box for the kids(and maybe me)
Creating quality time with each kid, each day

This is the beginning of the paint sample process.