“The truth is I don’t really even like camels”

We went to the mall to let Wren run off some energy in the play area yesterday, and I had the most awkward conversation with a five year old. Here it is:

Little girl: What’s in your belly?

Me: A baby.

Little girl: People with big stomachs look funny.

Me: Uh, thanks?

Little girl: The truth is I don’t really even like camels.

Me: Okay.

Little girl: Can I take your daughter for a ride?

Me: No.

I’m not completely sure about how I reminded this child of a camel, but I have to admit it was odd to have a conversation that was weirder than the ones I already had last week or anticipate this week. All my conversations last week stemmed around three questions: You’re still pregnant? Well, is my abdomen still protruding beyond what’s normal for the average human being? Then the answer is yes. When is the baby coming? Hold on, let me get my crystal ball out and give you an exact date! Where is the baby? With this one, I just look at my stomach then back at the individual who asked and shrug. I mean, really?

People are concerned and get nervous when there’s no plan, and the last few days have been evidence of that. Parents have the option to get their kids into the world by a ton of means, and I guess that’s okay. It’s just with all the planned inductions, life becomes a little harder for us wait it out types. No one has a clue what to do when the due date passes and the baby is still not here. They all want my contingency plan. Currently, we don’t have one. I have never seen anyone stay pregnant forever, so I do believe Samuel will come out. That’s about it.

I do admit that I am human and have been very tempted to jump on the proactive planning train, especially lately. Words like “fluid dip”, “c-section”, and “zero dilation” are not wonderful to hear when we want no drugs, no surgery, and absolutely no medical intervention short of being provided a hospital bed to birth near. But I cannot focus on the what-ifs or try to lay out a concrete road for how this birth is going to go. It’s pointless, it stresses me out, and stress does not lead to labor. My doctor, as previously mentioned, is amazing! She trusts me, she trusts Sam, and she is all about a woman’s body and its ability to birth. IF, and I pray it does not come to this, I end up with a c-section it will be because Samuel needs it. Otherwise, she’s content to let me ride this out as long as he is. Being that we are cut from the same strong-willed cloth, we may be waiting a while.

So as I somewhat dread going back to work tomorrow, I’m trying to look for ways to make it entertaining for myself. I think when people ask if I’m still pregnant I’m going to say no and give them indignant looks. I might fake going into labor during my classes just to make my 8th graders squirm. Some of the things they do give me nausea, so I think it’s fair. I am fully planning on wearing a sign taped to my stomach that says, “Yes, I’m still here and still pregnant.” My hope is that if I make the answer that obvious I can avoid answering the same question all day. Not having to answer the questions will help to avoid throwing me into thinking about all the what-ifs and messing up my zen mama calm. And if all else fails, I’m just going to take a cue from the five year old and say, “the truth is I don’t really even like camels.” Everybody will think I’m nuts, but I’m pretty sure the question and answer portion of my day will come to an abrupt end.

In all honestly, I may try all the above mentioned strategies. However, I'm also going to work on being more grateful for people who stop and care enough to ask how I'm doing. I'm lucky to have them. They're better than camels.