livesinprogress: January

I used to dread January. The beginning of January was okay with the resolution setting and the clean slate of a new year. However, it was the middle, the slump, that got me. It was where all the heroic efforts that were going to go into keeping all those resolutions puttered out and I was left with the reality that I was just me, flaws and all, even when the calendar turned to a new year. I am the lover of BIG, MAJOR overhauls. The tiny steps it takes to make the big major overhauls? I haven't always been a fan.

This January's different, not because my life is so different. I'm still a messy mom of littles who checks out 25 books from the library at a time and writes down new goals almost every single day, though no extra hours seem to be slipping in for me to accomplish them. I still putter out. But now I appreciate the seasons. I see the small steps, the every-day-nobody-probably-even-notices-but-me steps for what they are: the way for the big, major overhauls to happen. I also view setbacks not as a slap in the face but as a chance to figure out what I need to do differently. I appreciate rest. I eat healthfully but love my lattes. I feel balanced. January may be starting to agree with me.

This is a picture of one very small corner of my kitchen yesterday.

Here's some background: We had four sick kids from last Monday until now, two with upper respiratory infections, two with ear infections. We also scored a nebulizer when Sam's inhaler wasn't cutting it. It was a rough, sleep deprived week with three doctors' visits and a ton of money dropped at both the pharmacy and the health food store.

I emerged from my stupor yesterday to see that my resolution of continuing to tidy was not being accomplished. My house looked like the under 8 crowd had thrown a frat party, complete with them sleeping in the floor when they puttered out and stopped coughing. Most days this would have killed me. I'm always doing laundry and dishes, cooking and vacuuming. For what? I would have thought. But yesterday I picked one place, one small section, and I cleaned it. It took five minutes and the rest of the house was still a wreck, but it reset me mentally and reminded me that if I took care of the little things every day, it would all add up, eventually. Every little kiss, every time I choose to look my kids in the eyes and listen instead of snap at them, every embrace in the hallway, every prayer, every thank you, every real conversation, they add up to life. The resolutions keep me on course, but the small daily activities, including my reactions to the off course events, are what make a life.

I'm reading about how to plant a garden and waiting for spring, but not in the desperate way I usually do. Winter is not suffocating me. Despite the cold temperatures and the short days, God is making me grow.