Both learning that I'm a two on the Enneagram and that I'm an obliger have changed the way I approach life. I now know my strengths and weaknesses and am sometimes so aware of my motives that it actually hurts my brain.
Being an obliger means that any change I want to make or goal I want to accomplish must have some form of outside accountability attached. Gretchen Rubin says obligers will meet outside expectations but not inside ones, so we show up if it's for someone else but not for ourselves. It's not a martyr mentality. We just don't discipline ourselves to do things we alone want to do.
Since I'm attempting to persevere in areas that mean something to me this year, I have already set up outward accountability. I tried for a long time to shrug off my obliger habits and just be more disciplined like upholders. It didn't work. I'm going to use the knowledge I have about how I work to actually improve my life.
Finishing my book, the neverending-I-will-probably-die-before-it's-done project: Please, don't think that the fact that I've taken years to work on this thing means it's going to be awesome. I am just more of a sprinter than a marathoner when it comes to writing, so I have been distracted from the big writing project by all the small ones along the way. I want to keep up writing the small ones, but I need to finish this book so I can at least say I did.
D is playing editor for me, and I owe him a certain amount of pages every other Friday. If I don't turn them in, he's supposed to shame me appropriately. If he's too nice and just says "don't worry, we have four kids and it's been a long day and here's some chocolate because you tried" I will need mean volunteers to take over his job. Prepare your resumes now in case he fails.
Social/spiritual: I signed up for a Bible study about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the book of Amos, and I rearranged the family schedule so I could go. That wasn't easy, so I feel no temptation to punk out.
Physical: I have a friend I'm walking with, I scheduled bike riding with Wren one night a week, and this blog is my other accountability. Feel free to ask me if I've been exercising regularly or if I'm just trying to develop diabetes, increase my anxiety, and die of carb consumption. Ask me to do a pull up. Laugh at me when I can't. Really, you'll be doing me a favor.
Roaming in nature: We're trapped in the house right now with a stomach virus. It's a family thing. Having only two bathrooms for six people just got very real. While we're stuck, I'm reading "The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier, and More Creative" and doubling down on my commitment to be in nature more this year. I've already found a place we're going to camp in March, and since the kids want to camp, this should be enough outward accountability to keep me committed. Plus, I love nature. I like the woods. I feel God more standing in the middle of a big forest than I generally do standing in a church. That's not a slam against churches since I have a great one. I just sense the Holy Spirit's movement in very real ways when I'm in nature. We started in a garden, so it makes sense to me that we find solace there.
Do you have any accountability tips that are working for you?
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