The True Test

As a novice parent, I used to think success meant my kids not having problems, complaints, or unhappiness of any kind. I saw all of the above as signs I was somehow failing as a parent instead of the reality of rearing little people in a big world full of sin and enormous feelings.

Luckily, four wee ones in I think I’ve graduate from novice to at least aware I don’t have a clue and okay with it. It’s a good thing, because one of my favorite people ever has had a hard week: Sammy.

Sammy loves all the girls. He dotes on the twins and plays with Wren, even agreeing to play Barbies as long as he gets the naked ones. And she plays super heroes. They have a grand time. However, this week a realization fell on Sam: he is the lone male sibling. It was strange to watch this awareness take place.

Wren: I can’t wait until Asher and Eowyn are older so we can play dolls.

Sammy: They won’t want to play with me. I’m just a stupid little boy.

Me and Wren: What?!?

I have no idea where the phrase “stupid little boy” came from. I have no idea why Sammy would think anyone wouldn’t want to play with him when Asher and Eowyn smile at the mere sight of him walking in their general direction. I have no idea why suddenly it was the most awful thing on the planet to be surrounded by all that estrogen. I am only certain that he became very sad and started asking when Dad would be home.

This would have leveled me in my previous parenting life. I would be playing back every thing anyone had ever said, done, or implied to make him feel this way. Now, I don’t have to obsess over that. He is loved, told he is loved, shown love. I’m sure of it. I’m also sure he is having some big feelings about where he fits in as a boy, a middle child, never the first to do anything and not the baby. He doesn’t have a built in bestie like the twins and he can’t go to AWANAS like Wren because he’s not old enough. I think he’s having a very stuck in the middle moment. Add to that he’s the only one without ovaries when dad is at work, and I think it got to be too much. This was bound to happen with the immense amount of change we’ve dealt with in the last year, and it’s okay.

In the past, Sammy stood the chance of just fading when he was sad. Sometimes he would tell you, but as someone who does not particularly look for conflict, he’d more than likely just do his own thing and wait until you realized he had a need. I’m proud he said what he did so at least we can work on fixing it. A man date with daddy was ordered stat, tonight in fact.

Now I know that most of our parenting will probably be judged by our children on how well we managed issues, not on never having them in the first place. How do we deal when someone needs some special time? Do we prioritize the needs of everyone as best we can? When conflict or problems arise, how is it handled? Do we follow the principles we say we believe? Do we reflect Christ in our behavior?

This is the hard part, but I think it’s the part where the good stuff can happen. The good stuff tonight includes burgers for the boys (they are grabbing take-home fries for the girls who have teeth to eat them!) and some quality time doing whatever Sammy wants. It won’t fix everything. It won’t mean we never have another issue. But it means Sammy shouldn’t have a doubt that our little boy is precious, that we will stop the world to let him know that. These girls he’s surrounded by will break down walls for that kid. His dad will do the same. And when he needs us, we are always there. I hope that’s something my kids say about me when they are grown. She may have been half-dressed, never wearing make up and generally a mess, but she was there, never a question. One can hope.

Family Illness and the Invention of Hooter Shooters

Five out of six of us are sick.  Sammy is good, so far.  Maybe it's his habit of running in the bathroom while I'm drying my hair and demanding I blow dry his bare butt.  Maybe it's because when you get pneumonia at 10 days old and survive, illness just doesn't mess with you anymore.  Either way, he's holding steady.

No one is in awful shape.  It's a head cold with tons of annoyances like snot, watery eyes, sneezing, coughing, and for Wren, fever.  D and I have the added issue of all these sweet wee ones needing us to care for them when we don't feel like caring for ourselves.  Parenting teaches you what it means to selflessly serve others, and we're lucky to have these sweet peas to serve.

I'm amazed in such a short time how much my reaction to illness has changed.  Here's a quick outline of where it's been in the past:

Pre-children:  Getting sick means a few days off to sleep, read books, drink hot chocolate
After Wren's birth:  The sniffles means crying for days because I'm sure she's going to end up in the hospital.
As Wren ages the first year:  I laugh at my prior self and we just deal with it when she gets sick.
Ten days after Sammy's birth:  CRAP!  All my fears have come true because my kid has RSV and we are in the hospital!
Two days later:  Well, I had no idea what fear was because now my kid has pneumonia, and it had never occurred to me to actually fear that happening to a kid who isn't even two weeks old.
Since then up until maybe a year ago:  Please just don't ever let anyone get sick again!!

Now that we are in the throes of almost everyone being in some state of yuck, I have an odd peace.  I know it's because my spiritual life, my walk with Christ, is in a much better place.  I've matured a little, I really believe God is sovereign no matter what happens in my life.  I'm praying for healing and doing what I can on my end which has included:

>  drinking apple cider vinegar;
>  all of us taking enough vitamin C and D to qualify as drug addicts;
>  amping up on probiotics;
>  obsessive hand washing and giving air hugs, which did not work because we still passed it around;
>  hooter shooters

What are hooter shooters, you ask?  Or maybe you don't because the name alone makes you sure you don't want to know.  Well, stop reading if you don't want to know because I'm about to tell you:  breast milk in a shot glass.  I gave Sammy and Wren hooter shooters this morning because I didn't want to give them a big glass of breast milk in case they freaked out and wouldn't drink it and then no one else could have it because of germs and then breast milk would have been wasted which would have resulted in me completely losing what is left of my mind.  So, hooter shooters.  They were a success.  Wren had two.  Sammy wanted the milk from the actual spout and got straight up rejected because he has been weaned for a year and I don't even have a third boob and the twins are dominating the two I have.  Nursing is all infants with the sniffles want to do.  And apparently it's all almost-three-year-old-weaned-for-a-year-likes-warm-air-on-the-butt-first-thing-in-the-morning toddlers want as well.  Sorry about his luck. 

Anyway, we are good for now.  I'm confident illness has hit us now so we can be completely well during the holidays.  This is like a test for our immune systems.  We will pass; we will prevail.  How could I be wrong?  I'm the genius behind hooter shooters.

Rebirth

My mind is everywhere, and I am reading Blue Like Jazz, the book of Romans, I am trying to absorb so much and plot my thoughts; it's great and heavy and freeing, and I think I understand how people can make a living of reading, writing, thinking.  Not much laundry would get done, but it'd be a good life.  Maybe not getting paid for it would stink, but still.

I have wanted to write, and I probably will still keep up with the blog at some level, but lately I've felt I just needed to absorb and listen and focus on something outside of my own voice.  I tire of my own voice, my own self-centeredness.  I tire of it easily lately.

What made me write today is that Sunday was hugely eventful, and I don't want to forget any of it.  Wren  entered into a relationship with Christ. 

We were home Sunday after church when a song came on the radio talking about lifting up your life to God.  Wren asked what it meant to lift your life up, and I said it meant to have a relationship with God, give Him your life, praise Him.  This wasn't a new concept to her.  She's been asking questions, thinking hard, dissecting and putting back together for months now.  Her response on Sunday surprised me though.  She started bawling and said, "I don't think I can do that."

Me:  Why not?

Wren:  Because of the sin.  I have a lot of sin.  I just keep sinning, and I know Jesus died for my sins, but I keeping killing Him.

If you will remember, miscommunication, or rather adults communicationing something and kids not understanding it, is not new in our house.  Wren previously thought because Jesus died on the cross we were all just waiting to be crucified.  She was surprisingly okay with it.  We are still working that one out since every once in a while she'll still say, "Man, I want to see Jesus, but that cross thing, ugh" and D and I explain that she probably will not be crucified for real, so maybe don't keep telling her little brother that after the nails are hammered into your flesh, you get to see God.  Poor Sammy, he was confused enough last week when he refused to go number two for four days.  We thought he was constipated.  Turns out when D was telling him to "stop holding it or he would get sick" Sammy thought he wasn't supposed to hold onto the toilet while he made number two.  That scared him because he's not a fan of free falling into the toilet having done it a couple times, so he just quit pooping.  Words have power, and I think explaining things you wouldn't imagine you'd ever have to is probably 99% of parenting. 

Anyway, we explained to Wren how Jesus died for our sins once and for all, how Wren's relationship with Jesus wouldn't mean she never sinned again, but she'd have the Holy Spirit within her, she'd always be forgiven, she'd grow more like Christ because of the relationship they would have.  We do die to our old selves when we enter a relationship with God and get a new heart that wants to be more like Him.  She wanted that.  Broken down to its simplest form, the true beauty is beyond appealing, and she understood.  She came to the Lord like a little child. 

Having kids is heavy.  Being a disciple for Christ is huge.  I spend so much time fearing I'll say or do something wrong, misrepresent the Lord.  I'm sure I have many times.  Having kids added to that fear, but Sunday was a change for me too because talking to Wren about God, about what she already knew and what she had questions about, made me see the true simplicity of it, how falling in love with Jesus makes you want to please Him, seek Him, how true love does that.  It's the easiest message, the one about someone else paying the price for me so I could spend my life in a love relationship serving God and others.  Love, pure love.  I hope I never find a way to make it harder than that, and I hope Wren doesn't either. 

Babies by Number

We have been thoroughly enjoying the babymoon to the point that I have not shared much of anything about the girls’ birth.  Asher Evelyn and Eowyn August had a wonderful entrance into the world.  Here are the basics:

Born at 37 weeks

Day of delivery

June 19th

6:10 pm

Eowyn technically emerged first, but when Asher realized her sister was on the move she put her hands up like all the single ladies and they had to grab her too.  They were born seconds apart.

Eowyn weighed 5 lbs, 5 oz and Asher weighed 5 lbs, 9.6 oz

Zero NICU time

The whole experience was amazing.  We had great nurses and doctors, and the c-section went smoother than my first two.  We came home on June 22^nd with both girls having passed all their tests and breastfeeding like champs.

I know we were covered in prayer throughout this time, and God is good.  We felt everyone’s prayers and the presence of God as every situation fell perfectly into place.  As the respiratory therapist said in the OR when we realized how well the girls were doing, “Of course they’re fine; they are warrior princesses!”  I think he recognized Eowyn’s name and was a Lord of the Rings fan, but he was right; they are warrior princesses, and we appreciate all the love and prayers sent their way.

My 19th Little Thing

Recap:  I did increase my endurance after being released from official bedrest.  It was trial and error, which basically means I really screwed up and did too much some days and paid for it with insane contractions that are apparently not leading to birth.  They're just fun reminders that I really shouldn't be making laps in the HOA pool.  Whatever.

Week 19:  Teach Wren about money

We live in an insanely privileged area.  Appearances and keeping up with material things means a lot to some people around here.  I'm not entirely sure how we made this home.

Our goal has always been to steer our kids away from materialism and the allure of buying "stuff".  We rarely buy our kids anything, though you wouldn't know it if you came to our house.  They are showered with everything in the world by family, and that is okay.  It's just that we want their minds where money and materials are concerned to be in the right place.

This week at Target, Wren found a sticker book she wanted.  We said no.  She said, "Okay, no big deal.  I'll just wait for my birthday."  Her birthday is six months away.

Dennis and I felt kind of weird.  I mean, we don't let them get something when they go to the store, and they don't expect it.  It's exactly what we hoped for.  But still, waiting six months for a $6 sticker book?  What's the solution?

We figured it out:  Wren is going to start getting an allowance.  She's only four, but we've got everything ready to teach her how to allot money for giving, saving, and spending.  It's our first time doing this so we don't really know what will work, but here's the plan:

• We are not connecting chores to allowance.  Basically, kids need to do chores because they live in the house rent free and they need to learn to manage money because it's a life skill.  We're not connecting the two.  
• Wren will receive $4 every week.  The amount will increase as she ages, so she'll receive $5 a week when she turns 5.  From that, 10% will go to giving, 20% to savings, and the rest she can spend.
• We actually expect Wren to spend her own money.  Of course, we will still pay to feed her, clothe her, sign her up for extracurricular activities.  Plus, D takes the kids on a Half-Price Books run twice a month because we never really refuse them literature.  But for toys, trinkets, dolls, items that are not necessities, she will have to use her spending money.  That's the only way this will work in teaching delayed gratification and in her deciding what's worth her money.  

We're new at this aspect of parenting, so we will see how it goes and if we need to change anything.  I'm excited because it means if she does want something, my answer doesn't have to be no.  It can be, "well, do you have enough spending money?" which is much more pleasant.  It gives Wren some ownership, and she's ready.  We think.

Family Outing

I am 36 weeks pregnant today.  Somehow, some way, this pregnancy will be over by the end of  next week, so we decided to spend tonight having a family outing before the girls get here.  We rarely go out to eat, but it was super fun.  Though I have vacillated between feeling great being off bedrest and feeling awful moving around or sleeping, there's never been a time Twisted Root and Paciugo haven't made me feel better.

Notice the marker on Sammy's face.  Further evidence of how low our standards
have fallen.  We call that artistic expression instead of lazy parenting.  

Like father, like daughter

Sammy dominating the train table at the mall.

In case you're wondering, this is pretty much the
only shirt I have that still covers my stomach.  It
gets washed a lot.

I don't know how much longer the pregnancy will last or if I will have anymore really feeling great days, but I am trying to focus on enjoying the moment and surviving until the girls arrive.  Sometimes it's easier than others, but I am grateful that we've made it this far.

Coming Clean

We’re in a pretty dangerous place right now.  It’s a food rut.  That’s right, we are in a rut with our food menu, and the side effects are starting to show.  We’re being unfaithful to our usually healthy diet, instead grabbing peanut butter on GF toast, GF mac and cheese (mommy food), and other questionable items that are not staples in our diet.  It’s a symptom of a food rut.  You start stepping out on the one you’re usually faithful to.

Though we have by no means reached extreme measures, we know what happens when we get tired of the same old recipes but do nothing to change it: we crave other foods, naughty foods, foods that are less nourishing and more just addictive and something to shove into our faces.  Thankfully, our kids can’t have 90% of these foods, so D and I are way farther off the deep end than they are.  But we are sinking, snacking on gluten-free junk and aiding each other in our addictions.  I could go into a million reasons why this has happened, some which sound extremely valid, but I’m going to skip to what we’re trying to do to fix it:

New recipes:  This is the best way out of the rut.  Find new recipes that look yummy and are good for you.  This week D created a deep dish Mexican casserole that was AMAZING.  I’ll post the recipe and pictures this week.  We are trying this from PaleOMG this week. 

Cookie cutter shaped chicken:  Cookie cutters are not made for chicken.  However, when my kids started rolling their eyes at every chicken cutlet they saw, I took extreme measures.  Chicken shaped like a heart, star, or flower topped with bacon, mushrooms, broccoli, and spinach and called a sandwich?  Everyone got on board with that chicken.

New good GF products:  A very enthusiastic sample woman at Whole Foods attacked us trying to get us to buy Royitos salsa that boasted only four ingredients.  Upon closer inspection, it was actually gluten free.  And it is DELICIOUS.  It’s also very hot and you will need to have water very close at hand when you eat it.  We put the salsa on Dennis’ Mexican casserole creation, and greatness was born.  Sometimes to curb a sweet teeth, you just need to eat something so hot you can’t taste anything else for two days.  And I mean that in a good way.

The doctors are praising me for eating so much and gaining so much weight, and I am honestly doing a lot of that by means I don’t love.  I know it will stop when the girls are born and I no longer have to get grilled at every appointment about if I’m placing any unnecessary dietary restrictions on myself because, just a reminder, your kids are kind of tiny.  And I am honestly looking forward to food being a bit more straight and narrow.  The recipes and products we’re trying so far don’t make me worry that giving up dairy and GF grains and sugar (always the stinking sugar) again will be a hassle.  They are making me look forward to it.