Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Simplicity: The Mental Health Edition

October had a bit of a rough start.  The shooting in Vegas, the death of Tom Petty, personal complications, they all landed and stuck in my brain.  The way I felt the first couple of weeks of this month can best be described as a baby who has been varnished with sand paper.  I was just so raw.

Then the Weinsten charges and the #MeToo started, and a lot more bad feelings rose to the surface.  

I've had some struggles with anxiety and depression the last couple of years, and though dealing with the health problems that set off the bad flojo mojo in my brain has helped a lot, I'm not immune to down days.  It probably did not help that I chose a down day to pick up The Bell Jar to reread, but that's neither here nor there.

This was me.

Courtesy of pics.me.me


The problem is that I never remember how to crawl back to the light when I'm in the darkness.  Understand that oftentimes will has nothing to do with it.  Some people need medication.  I need 40 supplements a day.  I'm not talking about some kind of mind over matter BS.  Get help when you need help, and don't be ashamed about it.

It's just that I'm already receiving tons of support and knew that my sadness was situational, and I still had a hard time pulling out of it.  I didn't want to try.  I wanted to curl up and live in the black fog at the same time I wanted to be rid of it.

What finally gave me a lift was accidentally stumbling onto the things that help me cope.  I didn't go out seeking them.  I was too busy reading The Bell Jar, remember?  I just got up every day and was reminded of what helps when I'm in a funk. 

My tips, in case you need them.

Be around people, even if you don't want to, but only for as long as you can take it.  Choose awesome people. 

Do one thing on the to-do list.  Make the phone call.  Pay the bill. Remember that you are capable of functioning.

Self-talk it out. Get to the core of why you feel bad.  Look for solutions.  Accept it when there are none.

Slow way, way down. Read the extra bedtime story, opt for crazy slow mornings, spend more time than necessary on a science experiment that involves dirt that will forever be stuck on the baseboards.  Moving in slower fashion helps us appreciate all the little things that are actually quite big.

Cry with someone who loves you.  It's fine.  They might cry, too.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

September Book List

Time blocking helped me use every minute to the fullest in September, and I read ten wonderful books.  Whenever I caught myself wasting time on something that didn't need to be done, I asked, what would I rather be doing?  Reading was almost always the answer.

Fiction

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

I fell in love with Ng's first book, Everything I Never Told You.  The way she examines relationships, reveals what we do and do not show of ourselves to others, is magical.  Her talent is a gift, and that book took my breath away. 

Little Fires Everywhere is a worthy sophomore novel, and I couldn't put it down.  Ng does what she's best at: looks at the inner workings of family life and reveals what's going on under the surface.

The fires in this novel encompass teenage romance, racism, and class conflict.  She looks at the temptation to try to plan our way into the perfect life and how those plans can fall apart.  Ultimately, in this book Ng asks what makes a mother and doesn't give us the easy answer.

Saga of the Swamp Thing by Alan Moore

D put this one on my list, and I enjoyed it.  I don't seek out graphic novels on my own, but he has introduced me to that world.  I'm grateful for how I have to slow down and examine the pictures as well as how strong the writing was in this story.  I was lucky enough to have D to give me some back story on the previous issues, and I recommend that if you pick up in the middle with this one.

American Housewife: Stories by Helen Ellis

I read this book in one afternoon, and it was wonderful.  Funny, disturbing, and relevant, American Housewives is a collection of short pieces about the experiences of housewives, none of them typical.  Ellis isn't afraid to take her readers to the dark side while still making them laugh out loud.

Stories of murder and bra fitting are included, as well as an examination of book clubs and infertility.  Grab this one for a quick read.

Anything is Possible by Elizabeth Strout

The sort-of sequel to My Name is Lucy Barton is elegantly written and full of characters that readers will remember long after the last page is turned.  Each chapter tells of townspeople who are somehow connected to Lucy Barton, some who are even related to her.  Living in her hometown, they struggle with lost love, past war horrors, and secrets that destroy.

When Lucy ventures home after years away, she confronts the people she left behind. Read My Name is Lucy Barton first, but have this one on hold to devour when you're finished.


Non-fiction

Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker

I started the month with Hatmaker's hilarious quick read.  Writing funny and touching material is hard, and I am constantly amazed at how easy Hatmaker makes it look, telling of her adventures when following the wrong bus to a school field trip as well as sharing her faith sincerely.

For those familiar with any of her previous books, such as For the Love and Seven, expect more of the same honest, girlfriend talk mixed in with recipes and how-to sections. Hatmaker excels at giving us permission to be human and to let go of the idea that we can attain perfection.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

I have read articles by and about Cain, and I have listened to her podcast.  She is the reason I understand the introverts in my home (as well as the introverted side of myself which is growing more prominent as each day passes), and she gave me the language to finally see that one of my kids is an orchid.  In short, I owe her my life.

I finally made time to actually read her well-researched bestseller, and it was amazing.  I don't often buy books because I am a minimalist and have access to awesome libraries, but I purchased this one and highlighted it to death.  I will read it regularly and refer to it for tips.

Everyone, whether they are an introvert or not, needs to read this book.  Cain may have found a way to help us all understand each other better.

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Wall

The movie, which I haven't seen, recently came out, and this pushed me to finally read this book, one that has been on my shelf for over a year.  Wall's account of her very unconventional childhood is well-written, heartbreaking, and utterly unforgettable.

Raised by an  intelligent but alcohol-loving father and a mother who believes herself to be more fit for creating art than raising kids, the Wall children largely learn to care for themselves.  However, the dynamic between the members of this family is unique, and Wall's parents follow her and her siblings even after they leave home.

I found myself infuriated at most every decision the parents of the Wall children made, but I loved this book.  Wall writes in beautiful prose that makes this book feel like fiction even as we know it's real.

Gone: a Girl, a Violin, a Life Unstrung by Min Kym

Cue the playlist on Spotify before starting this one. Hearing Kym play the violin is a treasure that goes along perfectly with her account of what is was like to grow up a prodigy.  Besides all of the struggles that entails, Kym then found the violin that felt like it was made for her, only to have it stolen while she sat at a cafe. This loss unraveled her and started her on another journey to discover who she was when not defined by her instrument.

Kym's writing is good, though it's the story that is exceptional.  Reading this story of loss while hearing her music float through the air is haunting.

The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone by Olivia Laing

This thought-provoking read is part-memoir, part study of art, artists, and the dilemma of loneliness.  Interweaving her own story of living in New York City, surrounded at all times by people but utterly alone, Laing also shares information about artists like Edward Hopper and Andy Warhol.

Well-researched and excruciatingly painful to read at times, Laing explores what loneliness does to us as well as the way that society creates the condition.  She also discusses what it means to go through the world without adopting the belief that coupling off is the only way.

The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own by Joshua Becker

I recommend this book for anyone interested in minimalism.  Though I prefer Marie Kondo's more extreme way of going through items to downsize, Becker has his own charm and may be easier for people with less all-or-nothing tendencies.

There are two parts of this book that especially excited me.  Becker addresses having a family and being a minimalist.  It's a unique challenge because you have to respect other people's things while still longing for less.  He has tips for how to handle that.

Becker also offers tips for keeping the house tidy after it's uncluttered and minimized.  Kondo failed me on this one.  Her theory is that once a house is tidied up, it will never again have issues.  Since other people live in my house, that is 100 percent untrue, so I loved Becker's tips for how to keep things scaled back each day.