Tuesday, January 30, 2018

January Book List 2018

There were some common themes in the books I read this month: midlife, nature, and lagom.  I find that sometimes things overlap that way, and it's fun. Certain holds will come in at the same time, or I'll see a book I thought would be on hold on the shelf and grab it. This month's reading reinforced my belief in living a life of balance and being outside.

I am also going to review my favorites from each month on Amazon. That's part of my perseverance practice for this year that involves supporting other artists. Amazon reviews, even if they aren't long and detailed, can help writers, so think about taking the time to review books you love when you can.

Memoir

You Don't Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie

I avoided this book for a while because I knew Alexie was going to slaughter me. I read "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian" years ago.  Alexie's YA fiction book, one of the most banned books in the country I believe, left me weeping. His memoir about mourning the death of his mother did the same.

Alexie grew up on an Indian reservation in Spokane, and his relationship with his mother was complicated. His mother struggled with mental illness, as does Alexie, but she gave up drinking when Alexie was young. Alexie credits this move on her part for saving his life, though he still suffered in ways that most of us will never know.

This book is a tribute, an accusation, a letter of forgiveness to the woman who raised him. Laced with poetry and prose, Alexie's writing is beautiful and full, and this is a wonderful, if shattering, read.

Love and Trouble: A Midlife Reckoning by Claire Dederer

Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses is one of those books that holds a certain place marker in my life. I read it after Sam was born, before the twins were conceived, and I loved it. That's why I grabbed Dederer's latest memoir about her midlife journey to rediscover the girl she once was: sexual, adventurous, untethered.

When Dederer starts having desires that don't quite fit in her life as a mom and wife living in Washington state, she pulls out her old diaries and remembers the girl she left behind, the one who grew up longing for both love and sex. Dederer takes us on a personal journey as well as exposing the world she grew up in where the free love movement didn't always mean safety for girls.

This book is honest and raw, and Dederer holds nothing back as she tries to figure out what a midlife sexual awakening means for her current life. She explores not only sex but the reality of what happens to girls who care more about being loved than actually finding someone worthy of their love.

Lights On, Rats Out by Cree LeFavour

LeFavour's memoir is unique in many ways. Her writing style is not easily definable, but it present its own sort of magic and beauty. That's good to have since the time in her life she covers revolves around the years she burnt her body with cigarettes and fell in love with the psychiatrist trying to help her.

LeFavour shares details of her childhood, where she was pretty much abandoned by both parents, and she explores her desire to burn herself and how she ultimately stopped. Like Dederer's memoir, LeFavour is flashing back to this period in her life after wrestling with temptations in the present. It's different than most anything I've read, and I am glad I picked it up.

Fiction

Genuine Fraud by E.L. Lockhart

I have never been disappointed in an E.L. Lockhart book until now. Though the set up of "Genuine Fraud" is unique, the story isn't. It so closely resembles the plot of a major movie from years ago that it could almost qualify as plagiarism. If you want pure gold from Lockhart, grab her Boyfriend Quartet or her suspenseful We Were Liars.

Goodbye, Vitamin by Rachel Khong

Even typing a review for this one is almost bringing me tears. "Goodbye, Vitamin" is a sparse, beautiful story of a young woman suffering through a break up while also going home to take care of her father, who is losing his memory. It's a story of a family in crisis looking for redemption, and I think it's how Khong captured all of the small things so simply that made this one stick for me. It's a quick read, and I highly recommend it to all.

Heather, the Totality by Matthew Weiner

I enjoyed Mad Men so I was curious as to what a book written by the creator of the show would be like. I was not remarkably impressed. This slim novel follows Heather, the only daughter of a well-off New York couple, and the parents who adore her. Her life collides with a man who has lived a hard life and, in my opinion, is a sociopath. Chaos ensues.

Not a lot of things make me uncomfortable when I read them, but the parts written from the sociopath's perspective did.  I guess that's called good writing, but it didn't feel that way when I was reading it. I felt more like Weiner had sketched out somewhat interesting characters, but the story didn't hold together for me. I didn't know it was over until I landed on the acknowledgements page.


Seven Days of Us by Francesca Hornak

I picked this one up because it was a read-alike for The Nest, a book I read last year and loved. It was a good choice. Though "Seven Days of Us" can feel predictable at times, Hornak does a beautiful job of creating rich characters that the reader will care about.

Quarantined with her her family for seven days around Christmas, Olivia tries to adjust to her life back home after helping with the deadly Haag virus in Africa. Her younger sister is obsessed with her wedding planning, and her mom and dad both have their own worries. The stories of all the family members collide as we're given views from each person's point of view.

This was a very enjoyable read with heart.

So Much Blue by Percival Everett

Percival Everett is a prolific author, but this is the first book I've read by him. "So Much Blue" tells the story of Kevin Pace during three points in his life: during a trip to El Salvador, during an affair in Paris, and during his family life drama. These events occur years apart but connect and give a full picture of Kevin as he wrestles with what he needs out of life and why he won't show anyone his latest painting.

Everett's writing is smart, deep, and addicting. The characters in this book come to life, and the dialogue is witty and real. I loved this book, and I am adding Everett to my list of authors whose work I want to devour. 

Non-fiction

Live Lagom: Balanced Living, the Swedish Way by Anna Brones

This was my first of three books about lagom this month, the Swedish concept of living a life of not too little but not too much. Finding balance in every area of living is important to the Swedes, and Brones' book is a solid introduction to how to achieve that balance.

Brones' mother is from Sweden, so Brones has a unique view of the differences between the American and the Swedish way. She's not shy about what some view as the downfalls of lagom, and she shares what works and how with readers. I really enjoyed this book, and it made me hungry for more lagom-centered reads.


Your Scandinavian starter books



With Brones' book as an introduction, Brantmark's book gave more detail into the how and why of lagom. The pictures were beautiful, the book was in depth, and I spent quite a bit of time savoring this one. I didn't want to give it back to the library because it's a great resource, so it may go on the must-buy list. 

Brantmark is knowledgeable and a good writer, and her insights are great for those seeking balance.

The Little Book of Lagom by Jonny Jackson and Elias Larson

Maybe it's because I'd already read two fabulous books on lagom, but this one did not inspire me. It was skimmable and felt like it could be a book on just general life tips as opposed to specifically about lagom. I didn't spend much time on it and I would not recommend dropping off here on your lagom journey.


My next stop on the go-outside-already tour was Akeson McGurk's book about how the Swedish send their kids outside rain, shine, or snow. Akeson McGurk, who grew up in Sweden, found that recreating the outdoor life for kids in the States presented some challenges. She moved back to Sweden with her two young daughters for six months and found that parents there still believe in sending their kids out into the world with the right clothes to explore, unless there's a chance they will be struck by lightning.

She watched her shy child flourish in the woods, and she offers practical advice for how to get kids out more. Backed by research touting the benefits of being outside, this book was a fun, researched read that inspires.  Truly inspirational?  Akeson McGurk came back to the States and started working in her area to build more systems to allow kids to enjoy the outdoors. She is being the change she wants to see.

Because I know all of my kids flourish in the outdoors, and because one of them becomes much less anxious and doubtful in nature, I found a forest school in the area after I closed the last page on this one. Between the school and the commitment D and I have made to be outside with the kids so many hours a day, I'm confident we will collect all the right clothes needed for any weather soon enough.

The Nature Fix by Florence Williams

Williams' book began my obsession with all things nature, and I'm so far down the rabbit hole now that I may never crawl out. I think that's okay, because her detailed research points to what most of us probably already suspected: humans need to be out in nature. Our brains and bodies need it, and in today's technology-obsessed fast-paced world, we are going to have to prioritize being immersed in nature if we want it to happen.

I have always felt this, so Williams' research didn't surprise me. However, it pushed me to action in a more committed way. Williams' breaks her books into parts, and though there is tons of information, her writing style is both entertaining and informative. She worked with researchers, hiked trails all over the world, tried virtual nature, and made this information easily accessible to all of us. I savored this book and actually may purchase it. That's big for me because I am a hard-core library user.

Williams' explains the benefits of being in nature for short spurts, hours a month, or weeks at a time.  She looks at the way nature is now being used as therapy, and she offers hope for anyone living in a flat, concrete-covered suburb (ahem, me) who wants to find ways to live in nature more.


Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone  by Brené Brown

I have read articles about Brené Brown, seen quotes by Brené Brown, but I have never read a Brené Brown book until now. I was seriously missing out. In today's world, which sometimes feels charged by anger alone, "Braving the Wilderness" is a must-read.

Brown discusses how to both belong and also how to be ready to be the wilderness on our own.  Doing the latter actually helps us do the former, and I couldn't have read this book at a better time in my life. Not fully fitting into any group and feeling it a lot more lately due to the current climate in the world, this book empowered me and brought me to tears at times.

Brown writes the rules for how to be the wilderness and offers practical advice for how to follow them. "Daring Greatly" is next on my list by Brown.



Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Accountability: What You Have To Do If You're an Obliger

Both learning that I'm a two on the Enneagram and that I'm an obliger have changed the way I approach life.  I now know my strengths and weaknesses and am sometimes so aware of my motives that it actually hurts my brain.

Being an obliger means that any change I want to make or goal I want to accomplish must have some form of outside accountability attached.  Gretchen Rubin says obligers will meet outside expectations but not inside ones, so we show up if it's for someone else but not for ourselves.  It's not a martyr mentality. We just don't discipline ourselves to do things we alone want to do.

Since I'm attempting to persevere in areas that mean something to me this year, I have already set up outward accountability.  I tried for a long time to shrug off my obliger habits and just be more disciplined like upholders.  It didn't work.  I'm going to use the knowledge I have about how I work to actually improve my life.

Finishing my book, the neverending-I-will-probably-die-before-it's-done project: Please, don't think that the fact that I've taken years to work on this thing means it's going to be awesome.  I am just more of a sprinter than a marathoner when it comes to writing, so I have been distracted from the big writing project by all the small ones along the way.  I want to keep up writing the small ones, but I need to finish this book so I can at least say I did.

D is playing editor for me, and I owe him a certain amount of pages every other Friday.  If I don't turn them in, he's supposed to shame me appropriately. If he's too nice and just says "don't worry, we have four kids and it's been a long day and here's some chocolate because you tried" I will need mean volunteers to take over his job.  Prepare your resumes now in case he fails.

Social/spiritual: I signed up for a Bible study about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the book of Amos, and I rearranged the family schedule so I could go. That wasn't easy, so I feel no temptation to punk out.

Physical: I have a friend I'm walking with, I scheduled bike riding with Wren one night a week, and this blog is my other accountability.  Feel free to ask me if I've been exercising regularly or if I'm just trying to develop diabetes, increase my anxiety, and die of carb consumption.  Ask me to do a pull up.  Laugh at me when I can't. Really, you'll be doing me a favor.

Roaming in nature: We're trapped in the house right now with a stomach virus.  It's a family thing.  Having only two bathrooms for six people just got very real.  While we're stuck, I'm reading "The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier, and More Creative" and doubling down on my commitment to be in nature more this year.  I've already found a place we're going to camp in March, and since the kids want to camp, this should be enough outward accountability to keep me committed. Plus, I love nature.  I like the woods.  I feel God more standing in the middle of a big forest than I generally do standing in a church.  That's not a slam against churches since I have a great one.  I just sense the Holy Spirit's movement in very real ways when I'm in nature. We started in a garden, so it makes sense to me that we find solace there.

Do you have any accountability tips that are working for you?

Monday, January 1, 2018

December Book List

December was dominated by some stellar fiction.  I drank tons of coffee, inhaled sugar, and sat around enjoying the following:


Fiction

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

Gyasi takes on a daunting task and succeeds, writing one of the best books I read all year.  "Homegoing" chronicles two girls from Ghana, starting during the slave trade and going all the way up to modern times.  She tells the stories of their descendants, the ones who stayed in Ghana and the ones who came to the states during the years of slavery.

I can't gush about this book enough, and neither can critics who have put it on all the best-of-everything lists all year.  I recommend reading this one slowly if you can because the emotional impact is strong.  I often had to read about a generation and then put it away for the night, and I am still thinking about this one a month later.

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

This story is going to mess with your brain in the best possible way.  After Jason is knocked out, he wakes up in a world he doesn't know.  Who took him there, and where is he? 

Crouch did an excellent job of writing a sci-fi book without letting the science overwhelm the human element.  This is my favorite kind of sci-fi because the story is relatable for anyone.  Readers will feel like the breath has been knocked out of them over and over as the story unfolds and Jason tries to make his way back to his wife and son.

The Keeper of Lost Things by Ruth Hogan

This wasn't a great choice for me, and I should have known that early on.  A man collects lost items he finds after his fiancé dies. He has an entire room of junk that serves no purpose.  My minimalist alarm went off immediately, but I decided to keep reading despite the twitching.

I never felt fully invested in Laura's story.  I just didn't feel like I knew her, no matter what Hogan did to try to help me.  Bomber and Eunice are the reason I stuck around, and as wonderful as their story was, I'm not sure it was enough for me to recommend the book.  Other people find this to be a cute read, but the dogs, the ghosts, and the clutter did not do it for me, and I like dogs.

The Nix by Nathan Hill

Sometimes you pick up a book that makes you decide you never want to write another word because you will never produce anything as good as what the author you're reading did.  Writers beware: this is one of those.  I read "The Nix" excited for the story and full of self-loathing for any attempt I've ever made at fiction.  I devoured the first 400 pages in a day, so the self-loathing didn't slow me down.

Hill tells the story of Samuel, a professor/wanna-be author who is now in his 30s and still dealing with being abandoned by his mother.  When she is suddenly all over the news for attacking a right- wing politician, he has the chance to try to piece together her story.

This book explores so many themes, but the fact that we don't truly know anyone's story fully, especially those of our parents, is a big one.

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

I was late grabbing this one since it's been popular forever, but I picked it up in time to finish it Christmas Eve night. I started the Christmas season sitting in a recliner crying so hard I couldn't breathe.  My timing was a bit off.

This story of two sisters living in German-occupied France during World War II is beautiful, heartbreaking, and impossible to put down.  Vianne and Isabelle are siblings with a difficult past, and they approach life in completely different ways.  When the war comes, Isabelle's fierce personality draws her into the Resistance. Vianne tries to keep her child alive while her husband is away at war.

Hannah's writing is beautiful, the story is heart-wrenching, and "The Nightingale" also explores the theme of trying to piece together our parents' stories.