March's perseverance was a bit different. It was less externally results based and more about mindfulness, finding balance, and figuring out balance on the journey. The checking off the to-do list took a back seat to figuring out why I put certain items on the to-do list and really evaluating if I'm living out my values.
I did a lot less and lived a lot more. Yes, there are things I have to do, but I also get to choose how I spend much of my time. The small, everyday moments are everything, movement is not always progress, and what I do matters, especially if it's offering my time with love.
In March I:
watched beeswax melt;
rejoiced over seeds sprouting;
signed out of my virtual life for four straight days;
became more okay with our homeschool life leaning towards the unstructured side;
stopped just trying to get to the next thing.
I also:
Made My Phone a Phone
I have not been able to access social media on my phone for a while, but I took a step out of my comfort zone and now cannot access email on it. This means if I want to check email, I have to sit down at my computer with an intentional purpose. It's fabulous.
Practiced 52/17
The change in my freelance situation has left me with a ton of projects that I've started but not completed. It's messed with my focus. Where do I put my time? What if I decide to just scoot over, open another document, oh, wait, what was I working on? How is it one in the morning and I have NOTHING completed to show for all the time I've been sitting here opening 64 documents?
I ran across the 52/17 rule, and it has helped me with focus. Basically, you stick to one task for 52 minutes and then give yourself a brain break for 17. No flipping between windows, scanning websites when I should be focusing, or forgetting what I was doing in the first place.
Writing
I wrote in mindfulness journals, practiced The Artist's Way journaling, wrote pieces and submitted, wrote pieces and didn't submit. Here are two that found homes.
I Found the Secret to Connecting with My Tween
Stop Telling Me to Put My Twins in Matching Clothes
Lent
I had some goals for Lent. As usual, God took them and turned them into something better, both showing I am incapable of doing what He did and bringing me through Lent a different person.
Meditation/Mindfulness
I have flirted with meditation for months, but I committed in March. I meditate on my own and with the kids, and the kid-attended sessions are entertaining. During our first, one kid was jumping and one kid was farting and one kid said "stop farting, I'm meditating", and one kid answered, "you can't stop farts" and if you can find your happy place among all the talking and the room smelling like ass, well, congratulations because you are amazing at meditation.
For creativity's sake and calm, I also meditate alone.
I worked through A Book That Takes Its Time, an amazing mindfulness journey. It has helped me immeasurably, and I will review it in March's book review post.
Marriage
D and I have been married for 12 years. Our anniversary is in the middle of March, and we spent it preparing to take the kids on a vacation with friends. It was perfect. We woke up to a mountain view and the kids asking to feed the horses. I was fascinated watching D hot tub with little people and take them for rides in the canoe. I got lucky with this guy.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Sunday, March 4, 2018
February Book List
Fiction ruled the 28 days of February, with two non fiction books thrown in for good measure.
Non fiction
Lagom: The Swedish Art of Balanced Living by Linnea Dunne
Yes, another book about the concept of lagom. This was one of my favorites, with practical tips for living a lagom life broken into sections that cover work, home, style, and more. Add in beautiful pictures and design and I loved the whole experience of reading this book.
My Kitchen Year: 136 Recipes That Saved My Life by Ruth Reichl
This cookbook/journey book was not on my radar until a fellow freelancer, trying to help those of us who were reeling from the closing of Parent Co., recommended it. Reichl was editor-in-chief when Gourmet magazine went under after 70 years, and she was understandably also reeling. During her journey through grief, she kept a journal, made Twitter friends, and cooked her way back to life and her next big project.
Reichl's book is a great reminder of what happens when you grab beautiful ingredients, slow down, and absorb the entire experience of making a meal. Reichl splits her book into seasons, and as winter melts into spring and the process of time carries on, she shares the pain and the triumph of starting over, as well as 136 recipes that will bring even the most desperate mourner back to life.
Besides being a great read, it's a phenomenal cookbook. I now make the meanest gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches on the block, so look out.
Fiction
Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward
This book is as amazing and shattering as everyone says. I felt like the first few pages were slow, but when I got hooked, I couldn't put it down.
Told from different points of view, Ward has a gift when it comes to giving each character a unique voice. Spanning generations and taking an honest look at the results of racism, "Sing, Unburied, Sing" should leave every reader unsettled. There were times I was holding my breath as I followed 13 year-old Jojo on his journey as he tried to come to terms with a father in prison, a mother with issues, and grandparents who wouldn't be around forever to protect him. Then there's the fact that he can communicate and hear things other people can't.
I'm not much of a ghosts-just-show-up-in-books person, but it happens here and it is done exceptionally well. That should say tons about Ward's writing and storytelling skills.
Brass by Xhenet Aliu
Told from the perspective of a mother and daughter at two different points in life, this is so much more than just a mother/daughter tale, though it does shed beautiful light on the complications of those relationships. It looks at the immigrant experience in the states and explores the stories we don't know about others, even those we're closest to.
When Luljeta rebels for the first time in her life, she goes all in. After being rejected from her first college choice, she sets out to find her father, who walked out of her life before he was born. Her journey leads her away from her mother, Elsie, while also revealing her mom's story and the conditions that left her stuck in the situation Luljeta desperately wants to leave.
This book kept me interested until the end. It was a human story with heartbreaking moments, and I recommend it.
The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin
I was worried going into this one because I saw the book everywhere, reviewed and marketed endlessly. That's either the sign of an amazing book or a set-up for disappointment because the book can't live up to the hype. I am happy to report that, for me, this book lived up to at least some of the hype. It's not the best I've read this year, but it's very good.
We meet the four Gold siblings in 1969 when they visit a fortune teller to find out the date each of them will die. From there, the stories are told by each sibling in different chapters. Will they each die when they were told? Are there benefits to supposedly knowing the expiration date on your life? These are the questions Benjamin seeks to answer, as well as if our decisions make a difference in the ultimate outcomes of our lives.
Mudbound by Hillary Jordan
In the post WWII world, when men of color fought in the war but came home to a country that still viewed them as second class citizens, we meet a cast of characters whose fates will intertwine to create a shattering story.
Ronsel comes back from Europe to the Mississippi Delta and helps his dad work the land he still doesn't own for the McAllan family.Jamie McAllan comes back to help his brother Henry and to try to get a grip on his life. Told from rotating points of view, we meet many characters and get to peer into their minds, giving us a glimpse into the racism, sexism, and horror of the not-so-recent past (and unfortunately, this kind of racism and sexism is still not rare.)
Jordan is an expert at creating full, rich, characters and putting them into a story that speeds to a horrifying conclusion.
Exit West by Mohsin Hamid
Hamid's book couldn't have existed at a better time than the present. Nadia and Saeed meet in the war-ravished country they live in and decide to escape through the magic doors that are popping up all over the place. These doors carry people to other locations, and though Nadia and Saeed leave the threats of their home country, they are forced to deal with the hostile attitude towards foreigners when they arrive in other lands.
This story explores major world issues while still remaining a personal story about two young people in a relationship. That may be its magic. This is my favorite book by Hamid.
Non fiction
Lagom: The Swedish Art of Balanced Living by Linnea Dunne
Yes, another book about the concept of lagom. This was one of my favorites, with practical tips for living a lagom life broken into sections that cover work, home, style, and more. Add in beautiful pictures and design and I loved the whole experience of reading this book.
My Kitchen Year: 136 Recipes That Saved My Life by Ruth Reichl
This cookbook/journey book was not on my radar until a fellow freelancer, trying to help those of us who were reeling from the closing of Parent Co., recommended it. Reichl was editor-in-chief when Gourmet magazine went under after 70 years, and she was understandably also reeling. During her journey through grief, she kept a journal, made Twitter friends, and cooked her way back to life and her next big project.
Reichl's book is a great reminder of what happens when you grab beautiful ingredients, slow down, and absorb the entire experience of making a meal. Reichl splits her book into seasons, and as winter melts into spring and the process of time carries on, she shares the pain and the triumph of starting over, as well as 136 recipes that will bring even the most desperate mourner back to life.
Besides being a great read, it's a phenomenal cookbook. I now make the meanest gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches on the block, so look out.
Fiction
Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward
This book is as amazing and shattering as everyone says. I felt like the first few pages were slow, but when I got hooked, I couldn't put it down.
Told from different points of view, Ward has a gift when it comes to giving each character a unique voice. Spanning generations and taking an honest look at the results of racism, "Sing, Unburied, Sing" should leave every reader unsettled. There were times I was holding my breath as I followed 13 year-old Jojo on his journey as he tried to come to terms with a father in prison, a mother with issues, and grandparents who wouldn't be around forever to protect him. Then there's the fact that he can communicate and hear things other people can't.
I'm not much of a ghosts-just-show-up-in-books person, but it happens here and it is done exceptionally well. That should say tons about Ward's writing and storytelling skills.
Brass by Xhenet Aliu
Told from the perspective of a mother and daughter at two different points in life, this is so much more than just a mother/daughter tale, though it does shed beautiful light on the complications of those relationships. It looks at the immigrant experience in the states and explores the stories we don't know about others, even those we're closest to.
When Luljeta rebels for the first time in her life, she goes all in. After being rejected from her first college choice, she sets out to find her father, who walked out of her life before he was born. Her journey leads her away from her mother, Elsie, while also revealing her mom's story and the conditions that left her stuck in the situation Luljeta desperately wants to leave.
This book kept me interested until the end. It was a human story with heartbreaking moments, and I recommend it.
The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin
I was worried going into this one because I saw the book everywhere, reviewed and marketed endlessly. That's either the sign of an amazing book or a set-up for disappointment because the book can't live up to the hype. I am happy to report that, for me, this book lived up to at least some of the hype. It's not the best I've read this year, but it's very good.
We meet the four Gold siblings in 1969 when they visit a fortune teller to find out the date each of them will die. From there, the stories are told by each sibling in different chapters. Will they each die when they were told? Are there benefits to supposedly knowing the expiration date on your life? These are the questions Benjamin seeks to answer, as well as if our decisions make a difference in the ultimate outcomes of our lives.
Mudbound by Hillary Jordan
In the post WWII world, when men of color fought in the war but came home to a country that still viewed them as second class citizens, we meet a cast of characters whose fates will intertwine to create a shattering story.
Ronsel comes back from Europe to the Mississippi Delta and helps his dad work the land he still doesn't own for the McAllan family.Jamie McAllan comes back to help his brother Henry and to try to get a grip on his life. Told from rotating points of view, we meet many characters and get to peer into their minds, giving us a glimpse into the racism, sexism, and horror of the not-so-recent past (and unfortunately, this kind of racism and sexism is still not rare.)
Jordan is an expert at creating full, rich, characters and putting them into a story that speeds to a horrifying conclusion.
One Station Away by Olaf Olafsson
I don't know why the word meandering comes to mind when I think of this novel, though it might very well fit. Olafssen tells the story of Magnus, a man mourning a loss while trying to deal with strained parental relations and work as a neurologist. Three women in his life connect the story, and the book is told partially through flashbacks that allow us to view Magnus' childhood and relationship with his fiancée.
I enjoyed this book. It wasn't extraordinary, but it was thoughtful and well written.
Exit West by Mohsin Hamid
Hamid's book couldn't have existed at a better time than the present. Nadia and Saeed meet in the war-ravished country they live in and decide to escape through the magic doors that are popping up all over the place. These doors carry people to other locations, and though Nadia and Saeed leave the threats of their home country, they are forced to deal with the hostile attitude towards foreigners when they arrive in other lands.
This story explores major world issues while still remaining a personal story about two young people in a relationship. That may be its magic. This is my favorite book by Hamid.
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Persevering in February
This month was short but full. As I continue to try to persevere in certain areas, I find that it takes mindfulness to stay on course. Here's where my mind and actions focused this month.
Autonomy for My Kids
I've always known my job as a parent is to get my kids ready to launch. We have a very short time to accomplish that, and I've started seeing how short since my oldest is halfway to 18. I'm trying to give all four more autonomy, still being there when they need me but not being there when I feel like I need to be and they don't. Sometimes it's hard to know the difference.
We've spent more time in nature, one area I want to continue to persevere in, and the kids are natural leaders there. I've also been handing over recipes and letting them cook, something that wasn't easy for me when they were younger since our flour costs $12 a bag. Messes are costly, but so is robbing them of the independence of prepping food for their whole family.
Basically, I've been doing what I've always done but more often and with more natural consequences: let them make their mistakes, make their choices, test their limits, and deal with the outcomes. Sometimes it's gone well, like a three hour outdoor exploration led entirely by the kids where we came home wet, tired, and exuberant. Sometimes it's been pretty awful, like when one kid didn't want to do AWANAS work, didn't do AWANAS work, then had a massive breakdown when the verses weren't magically memorized. Or when one kid didn't get out of the bathtub when asked just to throw sass and had to shove dinner down her throat in four minutes, miss bedtime stories and her nightly smoothie. That's life, and that's what we're preparing them for.
Loving the Planet
I've always cared about the planet, but I'm also kind of lazy. I have tried to make all the very big, environmentally positive changes in one day, and I've inevitably failed at all of them. Not this year.
I am making small changes that will hopefully have large impacts when it comes to taking care of the environment. We've always recycled, but I also started making myself carry reusable bags to the store this month. I have done this in the past, but when I forgot I'd just take plastic. Now if I forget, I make myself by another reusable bag. I'm cheap, so this is really working to jog my memory.
I needed new jeans (need is the accurate word in this case since I had one pair and they started ripping in two places that were going to eventually lead to indecent exposure charges), so I ordered from ThredUp, a used clothing company. Reusing is environmentally friendly, and the new jeans were made for me, even if I'm not the first one to wear them.
We're going to explore the recycling center in March to help the kids see the impact of our decisions. I'm also trying to wear D down in the hopes that he will eventually get on board with composting. He has some concerns since I can't smell, and rats the size of squirrels are often seen on the sidewalks in our neighborhood, but I know I can make it work. I don't really know that, but I'm trying to convince us all.
We're also eating loads of leftovers to decrease food waste, and that's decreasing our grocery bill in the process.
Accepting Constructive Criticism
I got the coolest rejection email last week, and I cannot shut up about it. Okay, I've only told D, but he will tell you that I can't shut up about it. A local, wonderful publication rejected one of my short stories, but they took the time to send me feedback because the story was well received by most of their reading committee. They only send feedback about 10 percent of the time when they think stories have a real shot if revisions are made.
There were two detailed, very honest reviews of what did not go well with the story, and I hopped around the house like a toddler who found mom's secret chocolate stash for an hour after I read them. Why? Because they responded. They took the time. Also, they were right. I did what they said I did, it weakened the story and caused it to go unpublished, and now I can fix it. They also shed light on habits I have in my writing that I need to work to overcome, and I am eternally grateful for that.
It's easy to get stuck on the rejection part, but I try to teach my kids that learning, even if you don't win, is invaluable. I actually felt that this month. I didn't personalize the rejection; I appreciated the opportunity to improve.
Anxiety Tracking
It's come to my attention that many people still don't fully understand what anxiety is like, as evidenced by the many conversations I've sat through where things like "don't worry", "have faith", and "let go of control" are repeated.
Sure, people get anxious when they are stressed, but anxiety is also a recognized mental health issue that some of us can't fully control. I wake up on certain mornings with my heart rate elevated to the point that I can't take deep breaths. Nothing changed while I was sleeping except for a hormonal shift that affected my brain or my adrenals wigging out and not controlling my cortisol levels. I didn't just forget to "let go and let God".
Anyway, I started tracking my anxious days because they follow a pretty regular pattern. I am much better since my adrenals are recovering, but when I ovulate, I still have issues. The adrenals produce progesterone, mine still seem to be failing at this, so ovulation is a hard time for my body.
I may deal with this forever, or at least until menopause when I will begin a whole different load of challenges, so I'm trying to do what I can with what I have. I'm tracking my anxiety days because the best thing I can do when I'm anxious is contain the damage. I need to pull away as much as I can on these days, which isn't completely possible since I homeschool my kids. Still, when D gets home and I've pegged a days as falling on the anxious scale, I leave.
My anxiety looks nothing like me worrying 24/7. It looks like me being so irritable that there is nothing anyone can do that does not startle me and then push me into an all-out angry response. Imagine all sounds causing my heart rate to spike and put me in fight or flight mode + four kids under the age of 10. You'd be glad to see me leave, too.
Social Justice Activities
I voted in the Democratic primaries. It didn't take much time, I felt great about who I voted for, and I am counting down until November. It's not hard to get politically involved.
D and I also found a sitter so we can go meet with our church about the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. D and I haven't had a sitter in about three years. This is important, and we both want to be around the table discussing next steps, me as a survivor and him as the best damn feminist I know.
Autonomy for My Kids
I've always known my job as a parent is to get my kids ready to launch. We have a very short time to accomplish that, and I've started seeing how short since my oldest is halfway to 18. I'm trying to give all four more autonomy, still being there when they need me but not being there when I feel like I need to be and they don't. Sometimes it's hard to know the difference.
We've spent more time in nature, one area I want to continue to persevere in, and the kids are natural leaders there. I've also been handing over recipes and letting them cook, something that wasn't easy for me when they were younger since our flour costs $12 a bag. Messes are costly, but so is robbing them of the independence of prepping food for their whole family.
Basically, I've been doing what I've always done but more often and with more natural consequences: let them make their mistakes, make their choices, test their limits, and deal with the outcomes. Sometimes it's gone well, like a three hour outdoor exploration led entirely by the kids where we came home wet, tired, and exuberant. Sometimes it's been pretty awful, like when one kid didn't want to do AWANAS work, didn't do AWANAS work, then had a massive breakdown when the verses weren't magically memorized. Or when one kid didn't get out of the bathtub when asked just to throw sass and had to shove dinner down her throat in four minutes, miss bedtime stories and her nightly smoothie. That's life, and that's what we're preparing them for.
Loving the Planet
I've always cared about the planet, but I'm also kind of lazy. I have tried to make all the very big, environmentally positive changes in one day, and I've inevitably failed at all of them. Not this year.
I am making small changes that will hopefully have large impacts when it comes to taking care of the environment. We've always recycled, but I also started making myself carry reusable bags to the store this month. I have done this in the past, but when I forgot I'd just take plastic. Now if I forget, I make myself by another reusable bag. I'm cheap, so this is really working to jog my memory.
I needed new jeans (need is the accurate word in this case since I had one pair and they started ripping in two places that were going to eventually lead to indecent exposure charges), so I ordered from ThredUp, a used clothing company. Reusing is environmentally friendly, and the new jeans were made for me, even if I'm not the first one to wear them.
We're going to explore the recycling center in March to help the kids see the impact of our decisions. I'm also trying to wear D down in the hopes that he will eventually get on board with composting. He has some concerns since I can't smell, and rats the size of squirrels are often seen on the sidewalks in our neighborhood, but I know I can make it work. I don't really know that, but I'm trying to convince us all.
We're also eating loads of leftovers to decrease food waste, and that's decreasing our grocery bill in the process.
Accepting Constructive Criticism
I got the coolest rejection email last week, and I cannot shut up about it. Okay, I've only told D, but he will tell you that I can't shut up about it. A local, wonderful publication rejected one of my short stories, but they took the time to send me feedback because the story was well received by most of their reading committee. They only send feedback about 10 percent of the time when they think stories have a real shot if revisions are made.
There were two detailed, very honest reviews of what did not go well with the story, and I hopped around the house like a toddler who found mom's secret chocolate stash for an hour after I read them. Why? Because they responded. They took the time. Also, they were right. I did what they said I did, it weakened the story and caused it to go unpublished, and now I can fix it. They also shed light on habits I have in my writing that I need to work to overcome, and I am eternally grateful for that.
It's easy to get stuck on the rejection part, but I try to teach my kids that learning, even if you don't win, is invaluable. I actually felt that this month. I didn't personalize the rejection; I appreciated the opportunity to improve.
Anxiety Tracking
It's come to my attention that many people still don't fully understand what anxiety is like, as evidenced by the many conversations I've sat through where things like "don't worry", "have faith", and "let go of control" are repeated.
Sure, people get anxious when they are stressed, but anxiety is also a recognized mental health issue that some of us can't fully control. I wake up on certain mornings with my heart rate elevated to the point that I can't take deep breaths. Nothing changed while I was sleeping except for a hormonal shift that affected my brain or my adrenals wigging out and not controlling my cortisol levels. I didn't just forget to "let go and let God".
Anyway, I started tracking my anxious days because they follow a pretty regular pattern. I am much better since my adrenals are recovering, but when I ovulate, I still have issues. The adrenals produce progesterone, mine still seem to be failing at this, so ovulation is a hard time for my body.
I may deal with this forever, or at least until menopause when I will begin a whole different load of challenges, so I'm trying to do what I can with what I have. I'm tracking my anxiety days because the best thing I can do when I'm anxious is contain the damage. I need to pull away as much as I can on these days, which isn't completely possible since I homeschool my kids. Still, when D gets home and I've pegged a days as falling on the anxious scale, I leave.
My anxiety looks nothing like me worrying 24/7. It looks like me being so irritable that there is nothing anyone can do that does not startle me and then push me into an all-out angry response. Imagine all sounds causing my heart rate to spike and put me in fight or flight mode + four kids under the age of 10. You'd be glad to see me leave, too.
Social Justice Activities
I voted in the Democratic primaries. It didn't take much time, I felt great about who I voted for, and I am counting down until November. It's not hard to get politically involved.
D and I also found a sitter so we can go meet with our church about the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. D and I haven't had a sitter in about three years. This is important, and we both want to be around the table discussing next steps, me as a survivor and him as the best damn feminist I know.
Monday, February 5, 2018
It Wasn't All Bad: Persevering in January
That last post about persevering through the loss of a familiar, wonderful freelance gig didn't leave much room to talk about other ways I persevered in January, ways that weren't so traumatic. I'm doing that here because my focus word has helped me evaluate my goals and plan my time, and it's going well. Here's where perseverance led me during the first month of the year.
I supported a local writer friend and signed up to be on a launch team for another writer that I know through a place we both have work published. I am also filling out Amazon reviews for books I love. I want to support artists, so I'm finding ways to make it happen.
I attended a Bible study on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the Book of Amos, and social justice. We have a discussion this week about where to go from here, and I can't wait to see what comes from it.
I attended the Women's March in Dallas with a dear friend. I was able to protest while hanging out with one of my favorite people, so double win. I also met women running for office in Texas while there and felt a sense of belonging that calmed me in the midst of all the upheaval in the world.
I kept in touch with my people face-to-face, through text, or on the phone. I do this regularly, but I tried to be the one to initiate contact more often. Community is necessary and healing.
I got out in nature and got the kids out in nature every second we could. We took the idea of no bad weather, just bad clothes seriously, and I have felt much better because of it. There's very little I know of that can't be cured by fresh air and sunshine.
Where I Need to Work
Fiction Writing: I pretty much met my goals on non-fiction work, but this novel needs to write its own damn self. I made progress, but not the progress I hoped for.
In case you're wondering, D is an excellent and very strict editor. When I missed my first deadline, I was sentenced to wiping the butts of the youngest in the house until my pages were turned in. That's two four-year-olds 24/7. He looks nice, but he does not play.
I did make major progress on a short story, so that's something. I think I may have to set an appointment every week to leave the house and set up camp alone to work on fiction. Will someone make sure I do this? I am 38 years-old and still in desperate need of a keeper.
Sleep: So, I need sleep. I need a bedtime routine. I need to grow up and get disciplined in this area because there is only so much coffee in the world. Whatever. We'll see.
How are you persevering in February?
I supported a local writer friend and signed up to be on a launch team for another writer that I know through a place we both have work published. I am also filling out Amazon reviews for books I love. I want to support artists, so I'm finding ways to make it happen.
I attended a Bible study on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the Book of Amos, and social justice. We have a discussion this week about where to go from here, and I can't wait to see what comes from it.
I attended the Women's March in Dallas with a dear friend. I was able to protest while hanging out with one of my favorite people, so double win. I also met women running for office in Texas while there and felt a sense of belonging that calmed me in the midst of all the upheaval in the world.
I kept in touch with my people face-to-face, through text, or on the phone. I do this regularly, but I tried to be the one to initiate contact more often. Community is necessary and healing.
I got out in nature and got the kids out in nature every second we could. We took the idea of no bad weather, just bad clothes seriously, and I have felt much better because of it. There's very little I know of that can't be cured by fresh air and sunshine.
Where I Need to Work
Fiction Writing: I pretty much met my goals on non-fiction work, but this novel needs to write its own damn self. I made progress, but not the progress I hoped for.
In case you're wondering, D is an excellent and very strict editor. When I missed my first deadline, I was sentenced to wiping the butts of the youngest in the house until my pages were turned in. That's two four-year-olds 24/7. He looks nice, but he does not play.
I did make major progress on a short story, so that's something. I think I may have to set an appointment every week to leave the house and set up camp alone to work on fiction. Will someone make sure I do this? I am 38 years-old and still in desperate need of a keeper.
Sleep: So, I need sleep. I need a bedtime routine. I need to grow up and get disciplined in this area because there is only so much coffee in the world. Whatever. We'll see.
How are you persevering in February?
Thursday, February 1, 2018
So You Thought This Was Going to be Linear: Persevering in January
It's funny how when you set a goal, life decides obstacles might make it more interesting. Truthfully, I am lucky I chose my focus word and had a clear view of my goals before January, because the last week of the month blew pieces of my world to bits.
The website I contribute to regularly is about to disappear. A source of professional and personal support, as well as income, is going to evaporate, just like that.
I'm a freelance writer, so I should be used to this, but I'm not. I have been so lucky from the start because Parent Co. is amazing. I've published other places, but I really dug in with them because of my amazing editor, their streamlined process, and their unending support for their authors. Plus, I loved their website even before I wrote for them.
I handled the news really well. Just kidding, I freaked the hell out when I received the email on Monday. D wasn't home yet, and I was in the house with the kids suddenly dealing with tunnel vision and dry heaves. This was a gut punch, a loss, cause for immediate mourning. I calmed down long enough to realize this loss hurt for a multitude of reasons, and I was going to have to face all of them.
1. I like bringing in money. We don't depend on my income, thank God, but it's nice to have and I like making it. I like being paid consistently for what I do. Yes, I can do this with other sites, but I had a process that worked, and I LOVE my routines.
2. I have some serious identity confusion at times. I know I'm a writer whether my work is being published or not because I write. I know this is not the only place that has accepted my work. However, the loss of this place made me feel like I lost my writer identity somehow, and I need my writer identity. I love being a mom and a wife, but I need to write and to view myself as a writer because it's what I do. Before I talked myself through the whole you're-still-a-writer-thing, I felt untethered.
3. I like it when things are linear. I worked a couple of years to establish my writing, and it went well. I found a place I loved and did work for them. Nice gig. This is not the freelancer's real life, and I should have known that since every freelancer on the planet will tell you all the time. I didn't listen because I didn't want to. I am at the starting-over place—luckily not totally over because I have made contacts and built my resume—but I do not love the two-steps-back process.
4. I love the people I work for and with. I submitted to Parent Co. because I read their articles and found them beautiful and useful. They spoke to me as a parent in a way that I needed to be spoken to. I was so intimidated that I hesitated to submit my work, then when the first article was accepted, I assumed it was a fluke and was scared to try again. I finally did after my editor reached out to me, and now I have around 50 articles that have found a home there.
Luckily, the writers and my editor (is it weird that I'm still claiming her?) have come together and vowed to never leave each other. The support has been more than I thought was possible.
Everyone talks about how enlightening and freeing it feels to be pushed out of a routine and into the scary places, but here's the truth: first it feels like shit, like a sucker punch, like your skin is on fire and you are running from yourself.
I cried a lot. I still cry a lot, even though we're going on day five of the news. I cry because something beautiful is ending. I cry because beautiful things are already being planted. I cry because I feel taken care of by people I've never even met in person, and I need that right now. I am zero percent useful in a crisis. I hate this about myself, but it is a fact. One friend told me to just be bossy during a crisis and it would calm me down, but what would I say during my bossy time? Don't follow me, I'm just running in circles with no clue? This is as horrible as it seems, I can feel it? I just threw up in my mouth? Nobody needs to hear from the person who can only bring themselves to this, which is me.
Other writers have created lists and are encouraging all of us to get back out there and own it. They are reminding us kindly of all the waiting rejection but also of the possible success. They are whispering persevere.
And I will. The first night I just cried into a plate of cheesy bacon fries and sent an email to my friend that said, "I'm not having a crisis. Wait, yes I am." D talked me off the ledge about 400 times, only to have me start crying again five minutes later.
My friend sent an email back that said "you're gonna continue to rock out with your lady c*ck out (that's a colloquialism. If you have a lady c*ck I think I would have heard about it by now)", and I laughed for the first time since I got the news. I will rock out, eventually.
In honor of a wonderful site that gave me so much love and support, here are three pieces that hold a special place in my heart that were lucky enough to find homes on Parent Co. Check them out before the site is gone for good at the end of the month.
The Inconvenience of Girls Who Want
I outed myself as a survivor of rape and sexual assault in this one, though you would have to notice the word we instead of them to catch it.
I don't believe victims of rape and sexual assault have to out themselves. It took me over a decade to tell anyone I was raped, and I still don't share the details. However, it was important for me to tell at this point in my life, and this article was the beginning of that. I felt freer once it was published, and I am so grateful my editor saw fit to include it on the site.
Raising an Orchid Child in a Dandelion World
When I found out one of my kids was an orchid, life made sense in a way it hadn't previously. I was able to pull together all of the research I had been doing when I wrote this one, and it gave me an opportunity to get everything straight in my head.
Can a Mother be Undeserving of Her Child's Love?
Originally titled "When Love is a Homemade Necklace, and I'm Not Worthy", this is the first piece that I ever had published on Parent Co. I am still way too careless with my children's love, and I try to do better every day. Putting this piece out there made me feel both vulnerable and accepted, even when I'm screwing up this mom thing.
May you go forth and persevere in February and every day, no matter what life hits you with. Onward.
The website I contribute to regularly is about to disappear. A source of professional and personal support, as well as income, is going to evaporate, just like that.
I'm a freelance writer, so I should be used to this, but I'm not. I have been so lucky from the start because Parent Co. is amazing. I've published other places, but I really dug in with them because of my amazing editor, their streamlined process, and their unending support for their authors. Plus, I loved their website even before I wrote for them.
I handled the news really well. Just kidding, I freaked the hell out when I received the email on Monday. D wasn't home yet, and I was in the house with the kids suddenly dealing with tunnel vision and dry heaves. This was a gut punch, a loss, cause for immediate mourning. I calmed down long enough to realize this loss hurt for a multitude of reasons, and I was going to have to face all of them.
1. I like bringing in money. We don't depend on my income, thank God, but it's nice to have and I like making it. I like being paid consistently for what I do. Yes, I can do this with other sites, but I had a process that worked, and I LOVE my routines.
2. I have some serious identity confusion at times. I know I'm a writer whether my work is being published or not because I write. I know this is not the only place that has accepted my work. However, the loss of this place made me feel like I lost my writer identity somehow, and I need my writer identity. I love being a mom and a wife, but I need to write and to view myself as a writer because it's what I do. Before I talked myself through the whole you're-still-a-writer-thing, I felt untethered.
3. I like it when things are linear. I worked a couple of years to establish my writing, and it went well. I found a place I loved and did work for them. Nice gig. This is not the freelancer's real life, and I should have known that since every freelancer on the planet will tell you all the time. I didn't listen because I didn't want to. I am at the starting-over place—luckily not totally over because I have made contacts and built my resume—but I do not love the two-steps-back process.
4. I love the people I work for and with. I submitted to Parent Co. because I read their articles and found them beautiful and useful. They spoke to me as a parent in a way that I needed to be spoken to. I was so intimidated that I hesitated to submit my work, then when the first article was accepted, I assumed it was a fluke and was scared to try again. I finally did after my editor reached out to me, and now I have around 50 articles that have found a home there.
Luckily, the writers and my editor (is it weird that I'm still claiming her?) have come together and vowed to never leave each other. The support has been more than I thought was possible.
Everyone talks about how enlightening and freeing it feels to be pushed out of a routine and into the scary places, but here's the truth: first it feels like shit, like a sucker punch, like your skin is on fire and you are running from yourself.
I cried a lot. I still cry a lot, even though we're going on day five of the news. I cry because something beautiful is ending. I cry because beautiful things are already being planted. I cry because I feel taken care of by people I've never even met in person, and I need that right now. I am zero percent useful in a crisis. I hate this about myself, but it is a fact. One friend told me to just be bossy during a crisis and it would calm me down, but what would I say during my bossy time? Don't follow me, I'm just running in circles with no clue? This is as horrible as it seems, I can feel it? I just threw up in my mouth? Nobody needs to hear from the person who can only bring themselves to this, which is me.
Other writers have created lists and are encouraging all of us to get back out there and own it. They are reminding us kindly of all the waiting rejection but also of the possible success. They are whispering persevere.
And I will. The first night I just cried into a plate of cheesy bacon fries and sent an email to my friend that said, "I'm not having a crisis. Wait, yes I am." D talked me off the ledge about 400 times, only to have me start crying again five minutes later.
My friend sent an email back that said "you're gonna continue to rock out with your lady c*ck out (that's a colloquialism. If you have a lady c*ck I think I would have heard about it by now)", and I laughed for the first time since I got the news. I will rock out, eventually.
In honor of a wonderful site that gave me so much love and support, here are three pieces that hold a special place in my heart that were lucky enough to find homes on Parent Co. Check them out before the site is gone for good at the end of the month.
The Inconvenience of Girls Who Want
I outed myself as a survivor of rape and sexual assault in this one, though you would have to notice the word we instead of them to catch it.
I don't believe victims of rape and sexual assault have to out themselves. It took me over a decade to tell anyone I was raped, and I still don't share the details. However, it was important for me to tell at this point in my life, and this article was the beginning of that. I felt freer once it was published, and I am so grateful my editor saw fit to include it on the site.
Raising an Orchid Child in a Dandelion World
When I found out one of my kids was an orchid, life made sense in a way it hadn't previously. I was able to pull together all of the research I had been doing when I wrote this one, and it gave me an opportunity to get everything straight in my head.
Can a Mother be Undeserving of Her Child's Love?
Originally titled "When Love is a Homemade Necklace, and I'm Not Worthy", this is the first piece that I ever had published on Parent Co. I am still way too careless with my children's love, and I try to do better every day. Putting this piece out there made me feel both vulnerable and accepted, even when I'm screwing up this mom thing.
May you go forth and persevere in February and every day, no matter what life hits you with. Onward.
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
January Book List 2018
There were some common themes in the books I read this month: midlife, nature, and lagom. I find that sometimes things overlap that way, and it's fun. Certain holds will come in at the same time, or I'll see a book I thought would be on hold on the shelf and grab it. This month's reading reinforced my belief in living a life of balance and being outside.
I am also going to review my favorites from each month on Amazon. That's part of my perseverance practice for this year that involves supporting other artists. Amazon reviews, even if they aren't long and detailed, can help writers, so think about taking the time to review books you love when you can.
Memoir
You Don't Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie
I avoided this book for a while because I knew Alexie was going to slaughter me. I read "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian" years ago. Alexie's YA fiction book, one of the most banned books in the country I believe, left me weeping. His memoir about mourning the death of his mother did the same.
Alexie grew up on an Indian reservation in Spokane, and his relationship with his mother was complicated. His mother struggled with mental illness, as does Alexie, but she gave up drinking when Alexie was young. Alexie credits this move on her part for saving his life, though he still suffered in ways that most of us will never know.
This book is a tribute, an accusation, a letter of forgiveness to the woman who raised him. Laced with poetry and prose, Alexie's writing is beautiful and full, and this is a wonderful, if shattering, read.
Love and Trouble: A Midlife Reckoning by Claire Dederer
Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses is one of those books that holds a certain place marker in my life. I read it after Sam was born, before the twins were conceived, and I loved it. That's why I grabbed Dederer's latest memoir about her midlife journey to rediscover the girl she once was: sexual, adventurous, untethered.
When Dederer starts having desires that don't quite fit in her life as a mom and wife living in Washington state, she pulls out her old diaries and remembers the girl she left behind, the one who grew up longing for both love and sex. Dederer takes us on a personal journey as well as exposing the world she grew up in where the free love movement didn't always mean safety for girls.
This book is honest and raw, and Dederer holds nothing back as she tries to figure out what a midlife sexual awakening means for her current life. She explores not only sex but the reality of what happens to girls who care more about being loved than actually finding someone worthy of their love.
Lights On, Rats Out by Cree LeFavour
LeFavour's memoir is unique in many ways. Her writing style is not easily definable, but it present its own sort of magic and beauty. That's good to have since the time in her life she covers revolves around the years she burnt her body with cigarettes and fell in love with the psychiatrist trying to help her.
LeFavour shares details of her childhood, where she was pretty much abandoned by both parents, and she explores her desire to burn herself and how she ultimately stopped. Like Dederer's memoir, LeFavour is flashing back to this period in her life after wrestling with temptations in the present. It's different than most anything I've read, and I am glad I picked it up.
Fiction
Genuine Fraud by E.L. Lockhart
I have never been disappointed in an E.L. Lockhart book until now. Though the set up of "Genuine Fraud" is unique, the story isn't. It so closely resembles the plot of a major movie from years ago that it could almost qualify as plagiarism. If you want pure gold from Lockhart, grab her Boyfriend Quartet or her suspenseful We Were Liars.
Goodbye, Vitamin by Rachel Khong
Even typing a review for this one is almost bringing me tears. "Goodbye, Vitamin" is a sparse, beautiful story of a young woman suffering through a break up while also going home to take care of her father, who is losing his memory. It's a story of a family in crisis looking for redemption, and I think it's how Khong captured all of the small things so simply that made this one stick for me. It's a quick read, and I highly recommend it to all.
Non-fiction
Live Lagom: Balanced Living, the Swedish Way by Anna Brones
This was my first of three books about lagom this month, the Swedish concept of living a life of not too little but not too much. Finding balance in every area of living is important to the Swedes, and Brones' book is a solid introduction to how to achieve that balance.
Brones' mother is from Sweden, so Brones has a unique view of the differences between the American and the Swedish way. She's not shy about what some view as the downfalls of lagom, and she shares what works and how with readers. I really enjoyed this book, and it made me hungry for more lagom-centered reads.
The Little Book of Lagom by Jonny Jackson and Elias Larson
Maybe it's because I'd already read two fabulous books on lagom, but this one did not inspire me. It was skimmable and felt like it could be a book on just general life tips as opposed to specifically about lagom. I didn't spend much time on it and I would not recommend dropping off here on your lagom journey.
The Nature Fix by Florence Williams
Williams' book began my obsession with all things nature, and I'm so far down the rabbit hole now that I may never crawl out. I think that's okay, because her detailed research points to what most of us probably already suspected: humans need to be out in nature. Our brains and bodies need it, and in today's technology-obsessed fast-paced world, we are going to have to prioritize being immersed in nature if we want it to happen.
I have always felt this, so Williams' research didn't surprise me. However, it pushed me to action in a more committed way. Williams' breaks her books into parts, and though there is tons of information, her writing style is both entertaining and informative. She worked with researchers, hiked trails all over the world, tried virtual nature, and made this information easily accessible to all of us. I savored this book and actually may purchase it. That's big for me because I am a hard-core library user.
Williams' explains the benefits of being in nature for short spurts, hours a month, or weeks at a time. She looks at the way nature is now being used as therapy, and she offers hope for anyone living in a flat, concrete-covered suburb (ahem, me) who wants to find ways to live in nature more.
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown
I have read articles about Brené Brown, seen quotes by Brené Brown, but I have never read a Brené Brown book until now. I was seriously missing out. In today's world, which sometimes feels charged by anger alone, "Braving the Wilderness" is a must-read.
Brown discusses how to both belong and also how to be ready to be the wilderness on our own. Doing the latter actually helps us do the former, and I couldn't have read this book at a better time in my life. Not fully fitting into any group and feeling it a lot more lately due to the current climate in the world, this book empowered me and brought me to tears at times.
Brown writes the rules for how to be the wilderness and offers practical advice for how to follow them. "Daring Greatly" is next on my list by Brown.
I am also going to review my favorites from each month on Amazon. That's part of my perseverance practice for this year that involves supporting other artists. Amazon reviews, even if they aren't long and detailed, can help writers, so think about taking the time to review books you love when you can.
Memoir
You Don't Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie
I avoided this book for a while because I knew Alexie was going to slaughter me. I read "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian" years ago. Alexie's YA fiction book, one of the most banned books in the country I believe, left me weeping. His memoir about mourning the death of his mother did the same.
Alexie grew up on an Indian reservation in Spokane, and his relationship with his mother was complicated. His mother struggled with mental illness, as does Alexie, but she gave up drinking when Alexie was young. Alexie credits this move on her part for saving his life, though he still suffered in ways that most of us will never know.
This book is a tribute, an accusation, a letter of forgiveness to the woman who raised him. Laced with poetry and prose, Alexie's writing is beautiful and full, and this is a wonderful, if shattering, read.
Love and Trouble: A Midlife Reckoning by Claire Dederer
Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses is one of those books that holds a certain place marker in my life. I read it after Sam was born, before the twins were conceived, and I loved it. That's why I grabbed Dederer's latest memoir about her midlife journey to rediscover the girl she once was: sexual, adventurous, untethered.
When Dederer starts having desires that don't quite fit in her life as a mom and wife living in Washington state, she pulls out her old diaries and remembers the girl she left behind, the one who grew up longing for both love and sex. Dederer takes us on a personal journey as well as exposing the world she grew up in where the free love movement didn't always mean safety for girls.
This book is honest and raw, and Dederer holds nothing back as she tries to figure out what a midlife sexual awakening means for her current life. She explores not only sex but the reality of what happens to girls who care more about being loved than actually finding someone worthy of their love.
Lights On, Rats Out by Cree LeFavour
LeFavour's memoir is unique in many ways. Her writing style is not easily definable, but it present its own sort of magic and beauty. That's good to have since the time in her life she covers revolves around the years she burnt her body with cigarettes and fell in love with the psychiatrist trying to help her.
LeFavour shares details of her childhood, where she was pretty much abandoned by both parents, and she explores her desire to burn herself and how she ultimately stopped. Like Dederer's memoir, LeFavour is flashing back to this period in her life after wrestling with temptations in the present. It's different than most anything I've read, and I am glad I picked it up.
Fiction
Genuine Fraud by E.L. Lockhart
I have never been disappointed in an E.L. Lockhart book until now. Though the set up of "Genuine Fraud" is unique, the story isn't. It so closely resembles the plot of a major movie from years ago that it could almost qualify as plagiarism. If you want pure gold from Lockhart, grab her Boyfriend Quartet or her suspenseful We Were Liars.
Goodbye, Vitamin by Rachel Khong
Even typing a review for this one is almost bringing me tears. "Goodbye, Vitamin" is a sparse, beautiful story of a young woman suffering through a break up while also going home to take care of her father, who is losing his memory. It's a story of a family in crisis looking for redemption, and I think it's how Khong captured all of the small things so simply that made this one stick for me. It's a quick read, and I highly recommend it to all.
Heather, the Totality by Matthew Weiner
I enjoyed Mad Men so I was curious as to what a book written by the creator of the show would be like. I was not remarkably impressed. This slim novel follows Heather, the only daughter of a well-off New York couple, and the parents who adore her. Her life collides with a man who has lived a hard life and, in my opinion, is a sociopath. Chaos ensues.
Not a lot of things make me uncomfortable when I read them, but the parts written from the sociopath's perspective did. I guess that's called good writing, but it didn't feel that way when I was reading it. I felt more like Weiner had sketched out somewhat interesting characters, but the story didn't hold together for me. I didn't know it was over until I landed on the acknowledgements page.
Seven Days of Us by Francesca Hornak
I picked this one up because it was a read-alike for The Nest, a book I read last year and loved. It was a good choice. Though "Seven Days of Us" can feel predictable at times, Hornak does a beautiful job of creating rich characters that the reader will care about.
Quarantined with her her family for seven days around Christmas, Olivia tries to adjust to her life back home after helping with the deadly Haag virus in Africa. Her younger sister is obsessed with her wedding planning, and her mom and dad both have their own worries. The stories of all the family members collide as we're given views from each person's point of view.
This was a very enjoyable read with heart.
So Much Blue by Percival Everett
Percival Everett is a prolific author, but this is the first book I've read by him. "So Much Blue" tells the story of Kevin Pace during three points in his life: during a trip to El Salvador, during an affair in Paris, and during his family life drama. These events occur years apart but connect and give a full picture of Kevin as he wrestles with what he needs out of life and why he won't show anyone his latest painting.
Everett's writing is smart, deep, and addicting. The characters in this book come to life, and the dialogue is witty and real. I loved this book, and I am adding Everett to my list of authors whose work I want to devour.
Non-fiction
Live Lagom: Balanced Living, the Swedish Way by Anna Brones
This was my first of three books about lagom this month, the Swedish concept of living a life of not too little but not too much. Finding balance in every area of living is important to the Swedes, and Brones' book is a solid introduction to how to achieve that balance.
Brones' mother is from Sweden, so Brones has a unique view of the differences between the American and the Swedish way. She's not shy about what some view as the downfalls of lagom, and she shares what works and how with readers. I really enjoyed this book, and it made me hungry for more lagom-centered reads.
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| Your Scandinavian starter books |
Lagom: Not Too Little, Not Too Much, Just Right: The Swedish Guide to Creating Balance in Your Life by Niki Brantmark
With Brones' book as an introduction, Brantmark's book gave more detail into the how and why of lagom. The pictures were beautiful, the book was in depth, and I spent quite a bit of time savoring this one. I didn't want to give it back to the library because it's a great resource, so it may go on the must-buy list.
Brantmark is knowledgeable and a good writer, and her insights are great for those seeking balance.
The Little Book of Lagom by Jonny Jackson and Elias Larson
Maybe it's because I'd already read two fabulous books on lagom, but this one did not inspire me. It was skimmable and felt like it could be a book on just general life tips as opposed to specifically about lagom. I didn't spend much time on it and I would not recommend dropping off here on your lagom journey.
There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom's Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids (from Friluftsliv to Hygge) by Linda Akeson McGurk
My next stop on the go-outside-already tour was Akeson McGurk's book about how the Swedish send their kids outside rain, shine, or snow. Akeson McGurk, who grew up in Sweden, found that recreating the outdoor life for kids in the States presented some challenges. She moved back to Sweden with her two young daughters for six months and found that parents there still believe in sending their kids out into the world with the right clothes to explore, unless there's a chance they will be struck by lightning.
She watched her shy child flourish in the woods, and she offers practical advice for how to get kids out more. Backed by research touting the benefits of being outside, this book was a fun, researched read that inspires. Truly inspirational? Akeson McGurk came back to the States and started working in her area to build more systems to allow kids to enjoy the outdoors. She is being the change she wants to see.
Because I know all of my kids flourish in the outdoors, and because one of them becomes much less anxious and doubtful in nature, I found a forest school in the area after I closed the last page on this one. Between the school and the commitment D and I have made to be outside with the kids so many hours a day, I'm confident we will collect all the right clothes needed for any weather soon enough.
The Nature Fix by Florence Williams
Williams' book began my obsession with all things nature, and I'm so far down the rabbit hole now that I may never crawl out. I think that's okay, because her detailed research points to what most of us probably already suspected: humans need to be out in nature. Our brains and bodies need it, and in today's technology-obsessed fast-paced world, we are going to have to prioritize being immersed in nature if we want it to happen.
I have always felt this, so Williams' research didn't surprise me. However, it pushed me to action in a more committed way. Williams' breaks her books into parts, and though there is tons of information, her writing style is both entertaining and informative. She worked with researchers, hiked trails all over the world, tried virtual nature, and made this information easily accessible to all of us. I savored this book and actually may purchase it. That's big for me because I am a hard-core library user.
Williams' explains the benefits of being in nature for short spurts, hours a month, or weeks at a time. She looks at the way nature is now being used as therapy, and she offers hope for anyone living in a flat, concrete-covered suburb (ahem, me) who wants to find ways to live in nature more.
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown
I have read articles about Brené Brown, seen quotes by Brené Brown, but I have never read a Brené Brown book until now. I was seriously missing out. In today's world, which sometimes feels charged by anger alone, "Braving the Wilderness" is a must-read.
Brown discusses how to both belong and also how to be ready to be the wilderness on our own. Doing the latter actually helps us do the former, and I couldn't have read this book at a better time in my life. Not fully fitting into any group and feeling it a lot more lately due to the current climate in the world, this book empowered me and brought me to tears at times.
Brown writes the rules for how to be the wilderness and offers practical advice for how to follow them. "Daring Greatly" is next on my list by Brown.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Accountability: What You Have To Do If You're an Obliger
Both learning that I'm a two on the Enneagram and that I'm an obliger have changed the way I approach life. I now know my strengths and weaknesses and am sometimes so aware of my motives that it actually hurts my brain.
Being an obliger means that any change I want to make or goal I want to accomplish must have some form of outside accountability attached. Gretchen Rubin says obligers will meet outside expectations but not inside ones, so we show up if it's for someone else but not for ourselves. It's not a martyr mentality. We just don't discipline ourselves to do things we alone want to do.
Since I'm attempting to persevere in areas that mean something to me this year, I have already set up outward accountability. I tried for a long time to shrug off my obliger habits and just be more disciplined like upholders. It didn't work. I'm going to use the knowledge I have about how I work to actually improve my life.
Finishing my book, the neverending-I-will-probably-die-before-it's-done project: Please, don't think that the fact that I've taken years to work on this thing means it's going to be awesome. I am just more of a sprinter than a marathoner when it comes to writing, so I have been distracted from the big writing project by all the small ones along the way. I want to keep up writing the small ones, but I need to finish this book so I can at least say I did.
D is playing editor for me, and I owe him a certain amount of pages every other Friday. If I don't turn them in, he's supposed to shame me appropriately. If he's too nice and just says "don't worry, we have four kids and it's been a long day and here's some chocolate because you tried" I will need mean volunteers to take over his job. Prepare your resumes now in case he fails.
Social/spiritual: I signed up for a Bible study about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the book of Amos, and I rearranged the family schedule so I could go. That wasn't easy, so I feel no temptation to punk out.
Physical: I have a friend I'm walking with, I scheduled bike riding with Wren one night a week, and this blog is my other accountability. Feel free to ask me if I've been exercising regularly or if I'm just trying to develop diabetes, increase my anxiety, and die of carb consumption. Ask me to do a pull up. Laugh at me when I can't. Really, you'll be doing me a favor.
Roaming in nature: We're trapped in the house right now with a stomach virus. It's a family thing. Having only two bathrooms for six people just got very real. While we're stuck, I'm reading "The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier, and More Creative" and doubling down on my commitment to be in nature more this year. I've already found a place we're going to camp in March, and since the kids want to camp, this should be enough outward accountability to keep me committed. Plus, I love nature. I like the woods. I feel God more standing in the middle of a big forest than I generally do standing in a church. That's not a slam against churches since I have a great one. I just sense the Holy Spirit's movement in very real ways when I'm in nature. We started in a garden, so it makes sense to me that we find solace there.
Do you have any accountability tips that are working for you?
Being an obliger means that any change I want to make or goal I want to accomplish must have some form of outside accountability attached. Gretchen Rubin says obligers will meet outside expectations but not inside ones, so we show up if it's for someone else but not for ourselves. It's not a martyr mentality. We just don't discipline ourselves to do things we alone want to do.
Since I'm attempting to persevere in areas that mean something to me this year, I have already set up outward accountability. I tried for a long time to shrug off my obliger habits and just be more disciplined like upholders. It didn't work. I'm going to use the knowledge I have about how I work to actually improve my life.
Finishing my book, the neverending-I-will-probably-die-before-it's-done project: Please, don't think that the fact that I've taken years to work on this thing means it's going to be awesome. I am just more of a sprinter than a marathoner when it comes to writing, so I have been distracted from the big writing project by all the small ones along the way. I want to keep up writing the small ones, but I need to finish this book so I can at least say I did.
D is playing editor for me, and I owe him a certain amount of pages every other Friday. If I don't turn them in, he's supposed to shame me appropriately. If he's too nice and just says "don't worry, we have four kids and it's been a long day and here's some chocolate because you tried" I will need mean volunteers to take over his job. Prepare your resumes now in case he fails.
Social/spiritual: I signed up for a Bible study about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the book of Amos, and I rearranged the family schedule so I could go. That wasn't easy, so I feel no temptation to punk out.
Physical: I have a friend I'm walking with, I scheduled bike riding with Wren one night a week, and this blog is my other accountability. Feel free to ask me if I've been exercising regularly or if I'm just trying to develop diabetes, increase my anxiety, and die of carb consumption. Ask me to do a pull up. Laugh at me when I can't. Really, you'll be doing me a favor.
Roaming in nature: We're trapped in the house right now with a stomach virus. It's a family thing. Having only two bathrooms for six people just got very real. While we're stuck, I'm reading "The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier, and More Creative" and doubling down on my commitment to be in nature more this year. I've already found a place we're going to camp in March, and since the kids want to camp, this should be enough outward accountability to keep me committed. Plus, I love nature. I like the woods. I feel God more standing in the middle of a big forest than I generally do standing in a church. That's not a slam against churches since I have a great one. I just sense the Holy Spirit's movement in very real ways when I'm in nature. We started in a garden, so it makes sense to me that we find solace there.
Do you have any accountability tips that are working for you?
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