April Book List

Twelve books filled April. I started the month with Sloane Crosley's essays and ended it with Tom Rachman's fiction.  It's not a bad way to enjoy spring.

I haven't found anything as amazing as A Book that Takes its Time for mindfulness journaling, but I did pick up a couple of fun journals to have on hand. Both remind me to slow down and give me excuses to sit around and color when stressed.

Essays

Look Alive Out There by Sloane Crosley

I discovered Sloane Crosley very late in the game, so I read her first two books last year instead of years ago when I should have. When I found out she had another book of essays coming out, I stalked three libraries to find it and succeeded quickly.

This collection of essays covers everything from rich, loud neighbors to retired porn stars. (Crosley's not-quite uncle was a porn star whose birth name is Johnny Seeman. Yep.) She explores what it's like to stumble across swingers in California and to appear as herself on Gossip Girl. She does all this with humor, wit, and insights that don't feel forced. That's her genius, and she's only gotten better at her craft over the last decade.

I was surprised to find out Crosley has Meniere's disease, the same vestibular disorder I have, and her descriptions of vertigo were so precise that I feared I might start spinning just reading her essay. I recommend her work to everyone and this, her best work to date, is perfection.

Feel Free by Zadie Smith

I am almost too overwhelmed to even attempt a review of Smiths' essays. She is highly intelligent while still being accessible. She is not immune to her own shortcomings or limited thoughts, yet she's not self-deprecating in the way we usually see it done. She's aware, smart, and a very skilled writer who looks at any subject she tackles with the most comprehensive view possible before sharing her thoughts.

This book is over 400 pages but is broken into five parts depending on the topic. Every time I finished a section I was sure it was my favorite, only to make it to the end of the book to say I can't choose. I wouldn't want to have missed any of it.

Smith can discuss any issue, but she can see the issue beyond the issue and wrestle with that as well. Her commentary on the recent hit movie Get Out sits alongside views about Brexit and writers using their own lives to inspire work. She writes about books, politics, and the dynamic of the family, concluding that no matter the family experience "the family is a violent event." Her closing essay on joy versus pleasure nearly undid me, and I can't wait to read more by Smith as I was very late to discover her mastery.

Tell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say by Kelly Corrigan

Essays won it for me this month, and Corrigan's hilarious, thoughtful book helped get them there. Corrigan tells readers about the 12 phrases she is trying to say more, whether encouraging her child or a friend to express their emotions by asking for more information or getting rid of the craziness in life by simply saying no.

This is my first book by Corrigan, so I didn't know what to expect. I am now about to raid every library in my area for everything she has ever written. She comes off as an honest, smart, witty friend who isn't afraid to talk about the times she's stumbled in order to help us get it right.

Yes, yes, and yes to this one.  Read it once with a highlighter, and then read it again.

Non-fiction

Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics by Dan Harris, Jeffrey Warren, and Carlye Adler

I've had a very flirtatious relationship with mediation for a while now. I like the idea of it. I like all the benefits it offers. I like thinking of myself as someone who can sit still and find my Zen. However, it's only been in the last couple of months that my relationship with meditation has moved to the next level, and this book helped get it there.

Harris had a panic attack on live television in front of millions of viewers, and that started his journey to meditation. It's been so life changing for him that he went on a road trip to address people's concerns and excuses as to why they don't meditate. Along the way, he offered answers and assistance for how to get started and keep the practice alive for the long term.

Along for the journey was yoga expert, Jeff Warren, who writes easy-to-follow meditations for different situations that will guide readers who want to get started or elevate their practice. This book is a hilarious story, a wonderful how-to, and just plain fun. I am working through all the meditations in the book and feeling more confident now that Harris and crew helped clear up many meditation misconceptions for me.

Harris and Warren are also honest about life after meditation. It's generally more focused, calmer, but meditation doesn't mean we suddenly don't have bad days or that our old demons don't come back to haunt us. We're just equipped with better tools to handle them when we meditate.

When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Daniel H. Pink

Why do we feel compelled to make resolutions on January 1st? When is the best time to perform certain types of work? Are you a lark or an owl?  Pink attempts to answer these questions and offers information to help us understand how beginnings, middles, breaks, and ends play a huge role in our lives.

Pink ends each chapter with a handbook to help apply the strategies he's discussed.  I very much appreciated this since each chapter is full of useful information that is much easier to use when a quick, scannable plan for action is offered. If you like research and need an official, data-backed reason  to take an afternoon siesta, this is a great read.

Warning: you will NEVER schedule medical procedures in the afternoon again.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson

I love the concept of Swedish death cleaning, and even wrote about it here. So imagine my surprise when I did not love this book. I really wanted to, but it didn't work for me.

Death cleaning involves taking care of your earthly items so your loved ones won't have to go through it all when you're dead. It's considerate, and you don't have to wait until you're knocking on death's door to death clean. Adopting minimalist tendencies and making conscious decisions about purchases is a great way to make sure you never accumulate more than you need. If you start to acquire too much, practice some death cleaning.

The concept is easy, but Magnusson's meandering narrative about her death cleaning didn't interest me. I am used to books about tidying or minimizing containing a bit of narrative and a lot of practical tips. This felt more like a story about Magnusson that centered around her life with some death cleaning thoughts thrown in for good measure. That threw me.

Her advice to keep one vibrator instead of 15 is sound because finding that one is going to do your kids enough damage, but I didn't pick up any other super useful tips from this book.

If you want to tidy up, I recommend The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Goodbye, Things  New Minimalism or Soul Simplicity, which I review below.

The Trip to Echo Spring: On Writers and Drinking by Olivia Laing

I read The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone last year and was so taken by Laing's study of art and loneliness that I still think about her words. "The Trip to Echo Spring" had much the same effect. Laing wrote this one first and focused on writers and alcohol, a pairing that is much too common.

I find that though her books hover around the 300 page mark, I have to read them slowly. There is so much information: the research she has done on her subjects, the conclusions she draws, what she observes when she travels, and her own personal narrative, that I like to take in small amounts of material and let my brain marinate in it before moving on.

Laing focuses on Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Raymond Carver, John Cheever, John Berryman, and Tennessee Williams. At times these authors' lives overlap, and somehow Laing weaves all six of their stories into her book seamlessly while also visiting locations that were meaningful to the writers.

Her exploration of alcohol is sobering, and this book falls into a category best described as melancholy, as does "The Lonely City". If you have time and the desire, follow Laing wherever she leads. Her insight is priceless and often beautiful.

Soul Simplicity: How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More by Courtney Carver

Carver was diagnosed with MS and forced to decide how she wanted to live with this chronic condition. Stress makes it worse, so Carver set to overhaul her life, cutting back on debt, purchases, possessions, stress, and bad habits. The goal was to live simply, and she devised a plan to make life simple across every possible aspect of her life in order to make the most of her health and her time.

Years later she is helping others find ways to live simple, soulful lives. I loved this book because D and I have been on the simplicity journey for a while, deciding what to keep, what to toss, and how to build a life around our values. It's a never-ending process, so I find that having a book around to continue to help motivate us is always good.

Carver's book is extensive and offers ways to help readers implement simplicity practices into their everyday lives. Grab it and get ready to chunk the excess and embrace the soulful simplicity of each moment.

Fiction

The Confusion of Languages by Siobhan Fallon

Cassie and Margaret couldn't be more different. Living in Jordan with their military husbands, Cassie is the one who has been there for a while and follows the rules. Margaret is the newcomer who thinks she can figure out how to adapt following her own set of rules. Their unlikely friendship leads to a study of human relationships and reminds us that every decision we make has a consequence.

When Cassie and Margaret are involved in a minor car accident, Cassie keeps Margaret's young son while she goes to clear up the paperwork. When Margaret doesn't return in a timely manner, we see the story of their friendship unfold in flashbacks that lead the reader into a complicated web of jealousy, desire, and pain.

Fallon does a wonderful job creating rich, multidimensional characters. Nothing feels contrived and everything that happens moves like dominoes falling, leading to an inevitable conclusion. I picked this one up on a whim, and I'm really glad I did.

Future Home of the Living God by Louise Erdrich

Cedar was adopted and raised by two kind liberal do-gooders, but she seeks to find her birth family upon finding out she's pregnant. There's also the issue of her pregnancy occurring when evolution is reversing, offering babies who are a different species of human when they survive at all.

During any major event, humans and systems don't always shine, and that's true here. A registry is started to bring in pregnant women so they can be monitored, and neighbors start turning people in for rewards. As the story of what could be the end of the world occurs, Cedar attempts to keep her baby safe, leaning on her biological and adopted family to help her when they can.

This story touches on the dangers of technology, climate change, and militarized churches. It is original and horrifying, but the fact that it is written as a journal for Cedar's unborn child offers the reader some of the ridiculous human optimism that Cedar, and many other humans, hold onto in times of despair.

I read this one over many days, only able to absorb so much. It's a shattering, human story, and Erdrich presents it perfectly.

How To Stop Time by Matt Haig

This book has a lot of buzz around it, and it's well deserved. Protagonist Tom Hazard was born in the 1500s but is still alive, looking quite young, in the 21st century. He's one of those rare humans who doesn't age on a normal schedule, and that has made his life long but not easy.

When he's introduced to The Albatross Society, he's offered a way to move every few years before anyone takes notice of his lack of aging. The only condition is that he has to perform certain tasks for the society. Driven by fear of things that have occurred in his past due to his eternal youth, he joins.

This is an interesting story that has flashbacks from Hazard's time knowing Shakespeare and F. Scott Fitzgerald, but it's more than that. Days after reading this, I was shocked by the symbolism, how Hendrich, the leader of The Albatross Society, is a stand-in for America, a fear driven person with a for-us-or-against-us mentality. Hazard's past experiences exacerbate his fear, allowing him to overlook evil for what he views as safety with Hendrich.

Though a work of fiction, Haig captures much about the human condition and offers profound insight about time and how we respond to our limited amount.

The longer you live, the more you realise that nothing is fixed. Everyone will become a refugee if they live long enough...everyone would realise that the thing that defines a human being is being a human. 

Haig's words are an important message for our time.

The Italian Teacher by Tom Rachman

Rachman tells the story of Charles "Pinch" Bavinsky, son of famous artist Bear Bavinsky. Bear's art comes first, before his children, his many wives, or any other earthly obligation. When Charles attempts to become an artist like his father, one sentence destroys his dream and sends him on a journey to find his place in the world.

Rachman creates flawed characters that the reader will still care about. Pinch's longing for his father is desperate and hard to read, and even when readers wonder what Pinch is thinking they still can't forget the situation he came from and throw him some grace.

The book also explores the idea of art, what it is, what it means, and who gets to decide what art matters. The pacing felt off at times, with Rachman seeming to narrate us quickly from one place to another, but the book overall is a solid, thoughtful read.

March Book List

March was a full, rich month of books. Most of my non-fiction choices leaned towards mindfulness, appreciating each day, and slowing down. Fiction picks were a bit more random. Enjoy!

Non-fiction

Educated by Tara Westover

I started the month with Westover's enthralling tale of growing up in Idaho with survivalist parents. Her parents, wary of the government, didn't obtain birth certificates for their children, and Westover still isn't sure when her birthday is. She was also not allowed to see doctors and wasn't schooled, publicly or in a homeschool environment.

Westover writes honestly about her life lived in this environment. She somehow takes almost a spectator's view, offering details without over personalizing, as she rolls out moments in her life that most of us have never had to live. Her writing is beautiful, even though the subject matter is rough.

When a sibling turns violent, the misogyny bred within the walls of her home forbids her protection. Following some of her older siblings' paths, she attempts to get into college and out of the place that can no longer guarantee her safety, and never really could.

One reviewer said that if Westover's story was fiction, it'd be a lot easier to stomach. However, it's not, and we are better because Westover came forward to share it. You will root for Westover from the very first page and feel emotionally invested even when you turn the last one.


DIY Rules for a WTF World by Krista Suh

This book would be easy to dismiss as cutesy or too millennial. That would be a mistake. One of the creators of the pussyhat movement, Suh shares her tips for using our talents and passions to create a life of meaning and change, and her advice is sound.

From encouraging us to figure out if we're in a time of taking in or putting work out into the world to encouraging us all to beware of secondary emotions, Suh's advice makes sense for the world we're living in. She encourages us to know we're already enough, to choose the non-negotiables and stick with them, and to keep working until being a feminist is the obvious choice for everyone instead of something people view as a threat.

I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes With Death by Maggie O'Farrell

I fell in love with This Must be the Place, a novel by O'Farrell. Still, I didn't know exactly how to feel about her approach to her memoir since she based it around 17 near death experiences. It was a unique design, and it paid off.

From the first chapter where she describes narrowly escaping murder to the last where she details the challenges of having a daughter with an autoimmune/severe allergy issue, I could not look away. O'Farrell's life has been unique in many ways, but she points out the truth and makes readers feel it: we're always teetering on the edge, never sure when the end is coming. Most of us likely don't even know how many times we've barely scraped by, cheated death by a matter of seconds. O'Farrell, due to many factors in her life, is acutely aware of many of these times in her life, and it gives her a wonderful perspective to offer advice to the rest of us on what it means to really live.



A Book that Takes Its Time: An Unhurried Adventure in Creative Mindfulness by Irene Smit and Astrid van der Hulst

I don't buy books. I know, weird. However, I occasionally make exceptions, and this is a must-buy. Really, buy it, because no library in their right mind would stock it because it's interactive and patrons would destroy it on day one.

It's not an exaggeration to call this book life changing. Created by the editors of Flow Magazine, it is a mix of written articles and interviews, journaling, illustrations, and invitations to create in a variety of ways. I looked forward to picking it up every day and savoring whatever activity I decided to try. I'm still working my way through the 30 day mindfulness journal, and I reread the essays regularly.

This book encourages me to slow down, sit with my kids and create art, and remember that the little moments in life are the big moments, if only we don't miss them. There are post cards I've mailed to friends, beautiful moments I've captured on illustrated paper, and a collage that I made that I'm pretty proud of. Grab this book and make space in your day to dive into it.

Unbound: From Freedom from Unrealistic Expectations of Motherhood by Jamie Sumner

Jamie and I both wrote for Parent.Co, and this should tell you tons about what I think of Jamie's writing: when we received an email telling us to archive our work before the site shut down, I archived some of Jamie's. Yes, I was in a mad panic, crying and worried about losing my writing, but I wanted to make sure I could go back and find her words as well.

I'm on the launch team for her book that comes out April 10th, and I gave a full review of it on Goodreads.  You can also find that review below. 

I received an early copy of this book and devoured it. Jamie Sumner's honest look at the expectations we put on ourselves as mothers, as well as how to try to release them, is beautiful, hilarious, and gut-wrenching. Sumner shares her journey to motherhood, which included infertility and many unexpected turns, and opens up about all the emotions she experienced while waiting for her life as a mother to begin. Interspersed with Sumner's story are the stories of women from the Bible. Sumner seamlessly weaves these Biblical narratives in and helps even those of us who have read them a thousand times see these women in a new light. Sumner's voice is unique, her message redemptive, and her story impossible to put down. The messages and lessons she learned are universal and already etched in my mind to recall when I have one of those days where I need to remember to release my expectations and lean into the already-written story. The questions at the end of each chapter make this book perfect to use for daily journaling, and it would also be a great read for any book club or Bible study. No matter how you choose to read it, this is a book worth reading.

However, I have even more to say because it has stuck with me weeks after turning the last page.

You need Jamie's story and her grace-giving ways in your life. I sat up a couple of nights ago googling, "how to fix the damage you've already done to your kids", so I definitely need it. In the moments where other writers might remind us to act right, fly straight, and pull ourselves up to our full potential, Jamie reminds us that God already knows we're going to muck it up often and loves us anyway. That message inspires me to want to love harder instead of sending me down the shame spiral.

Everything Happens for a Reason: and Other Lives I've Loved by Kate Bowler

Prepare yourself now: you will laugh often reading a book about a woman who has terminal cancer. I know, it was weird, but Bowler's voice is unique. She is able to capture the sorrow and questions that come with a colon cancer diagnosis in her 30s as well as the joys and absurdity of life.

Due to Bowler's first book on the prosperity gospel, she is an expert at recognizing the kind of faith that believes it should be rewarded with health, wealth, and prosperity. While it's easy enough for most of us to laugh off preachers in mega-mansions and people practicing a name-it-and-claim-it faith, Bowler shows that many Christians still subscribe to the belief that we should get some rewards for our faith. A life with our children, cancer-free, perhaps.

In exploring why and how we believe this, as well as what happens when we don't get that life, she offers insights to how people often try and fail at sitting with others in pain. The appendix of the book offers tips on what to say and what not to say to those grieving or living with incurable illnesses, and it should be required reading.

The narrative is not always linear, but that didn't take away from the experience for me at all. Bowler affirmed something I have felt for years: things happen, not always for a reason, and that's okay. We don't have to lesson the hell out of people's tragedies. (Bowler also begs us to stop Eastering the crap out of people's Lent). We can sit with them, mourn with them, and be okay in the not knowing.


New Minimalism: Decluttering and Design for Sustainable, Intentional Living by Cary Telander Fortin and Kyle Louise Quilici

This book is pretty, informative, and simple. I have not turned it back into the library yet because I'm in love with it.

The authors introduce us to new minimalism, the type that isn't defined by number of items or deprivation. It's defined by having what we need, enjoying what we have, and practicing clutter cutting in every area of life. That' includes materials, but it also means clearing up our mental space and schedules to lead a quality life.

Whether you're a newbie to the minimalist movement or have been at it for years, you will thoroughly enjoy this one. The first section that covered principles over how-tos was my favorite, but that may be because I've read a ton of how-to books before. I like being reminded of the why behind minimalism to keep my endurance for the process up and moving forward.

Fiction

My Husband's Wife by Jane Corry

I stuck in for over 300 pages of what I will call a very disappointing labyrinth of dysfunction. A lawyer with a mysterious past, a lying husband, and a maybe-criminal collide with a single mom and her beautiful young daughter. That's about all I retained.

Mysteries have to be pretty amazing these days to compete with the masters out there, and this wasn't. It was intriguing enough to make me see it through, but I was indifferent and exhausted by the end. I don't really have the endurance to even thoroughly review it, so that says a lot.

Looking for Alaska by John Green

I was way behind in picking up this one, but when one of the second avid readers in my life recommended it, I knew it was time. Green's account of teenage Mile's life away at school is funny, honest, and heartbreaking. When he meets Alaska Young and makes friends with a group of intelligent misfits, his life takes turns he couldn't have imagined before, some that lead to great memories and others to tragedy.

Still Me by Jojo Moyes

I love Louisa Clark, and she's the reason I came back for the third installment of the Me Before You trilogy. The second book was not bad, but it paled in comparison to the first. The third is better and fully displays Moyes' genius when writing Louisa Clark and her quirky ways.

The book picks up with Clark in New York having left ambulance Sam behind to pursue the move. They work at a long-distance relationship, and it is predictably fraught. The people Louisa is working for are complicated and interesting, and so are the wonderful/awful characters she meets along the way.

At some point in life all of us have to decide who we are and what that means for the direction of our lives. Louisa faces that choice, and the consequences are meaningful, hilarious, and honest, just like her.

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn

D read this one before I did, so I was determined to finish it quickly so he would stop taunting me about knowing the ending. Finn made that pretty easy. This mystery is told in short chapters that accelerate to a satisfying ending.

Anna Fox has some problems, one of them being that she likes to watch her neighbors' lives play out from the safety of her own home. A shut in, she is the creepy lady who spies on those not wise enough to close their curtains. When she sees something that causes her concern, is it real?  Can someone who has problems leaving her own front porch be trusted to know what she saw? Will anyone believe her?

The story twists and turns, and while a couple of parts are predictable, I was still surprised by the ending. Finn does a good job at rolling out the story at just the right speed, and I enjoyed it.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

I did not know that Siobhan Dowd, author of The London Eye Mystery, had any other works in progress when she passed away. I read "The London Eye Mystery" almost a decade ago and fell in love with her work just in time to find out she had lost her battle with cancer.

When I picked up "A Monster Calls", another recommendation from reader friends, and saw that it was based on Dowd's story idea, I felt grateful and sad to have found her again after so long. After reading this YA story, I was wrecked even more by the end.

When a tree turns into a monster that speaks to Conor at night, telling him stories to make Conor offer his in return, questions arise about why this monster has arrived. As Conor deals with his sick mom, his absent father, and a grandmother he doesn't connect with, he is forced to deal with his own feelings and thoughts, and in this he learns lessons that will resonate for both younger and older audiences.

Moving On in March: What Persevering Looked Like

March's perseverance was a bit different. It was less externally results based and more about mindfulness, finding balance, and figuring out balance on the journey. The checking off the to-do list took a back seat to figuring out why I put certain items on the to-do list and really evaluating if I'm living out my values.

I did a lot less and lived a lot more. Yes, there are things I have to do, but I also get to choose how I spend much of my time. The small, everyday moments are everything, movement is not always progress, and what I do matters, especially if it's offering my time with love.

In March I:

watched beeswax melt;
rejoiced over seeds sprouting;
signed out of my virtual life for four straight days;
became more okay with our homeschool life leaning towards the unstructured side;
stopped just trying to get to the next thing.

I also:

Made My Phone a Phone

I have not been able to access social media on my phone for a while, but I took a step out of my comfort zone and now cannot access email on it. This means if I want to check email, I have to sit down at my computer with an intentional purpose. It's fabulous.

Practiced 52/17

The change in my freelance situation has left me with a ton of projects that I've started but not completed. It's messed with my focus. Where do I put my time?  What if I decide to just scoot over, open another document, oh, wait, what was I working on? How is it one in the morning and I have NOTHING completed to show for all the time I've been sitting here opening 64 documents?

I ran across the 52/17 rule, and it has helped me with focus. Basically, you stick to one task for 52 minutes and then give yourself a brain break for 17. No flipping between windows, scanning websites when I should be focusing, or forgetting what I was doing in the first place.

Writing

I wrote in mindfulness journals, practiced The Artist's Way journaling, wrote pieces and submitted, wrote pieces and didn't submit.  Here are two that found homes.

I Found the Secret to Connecting with My Tween

Stop Telling Me to Put My Twins in Matching Clothes

Lent

I had some goals for Lent. As usual, God took them and turned them into something better, both showing I am incapable of doing what He did and bringing me through Lent a different person.


Meditation/Mindfulness

I have flirted with meditation for months, but I committed in March. I meditate on my own and with the kids, and the kid-attended sessions are entertaining. During our first, one kid was jumping and one kid was farting and one kid said "stop farting, I'm meditating", and one kid answered, "you can't stop farts" and if you can find your happy place among all the talking and the room smelling like ass, well, congratulations because you are amazing at meditation.

For creativity's sake and calm, I also meditate alone.

I worked through A Book That Takes Its Time, an amazing mindfulness journey. It has helped me immeasurably, and I will review it in March's book review post.

Marriage

D and I have been married for 12 years. Our anniversary is in the middle of March, and we spent it preparing to take the kids on a vacation with friends. It was perfect. We woke up to a mountain view and the kids asking to feed the horses. I was fascinated watching D hot tub with little people and take them for rides in the canoe. I got lucky with this guy.

February Book List

Fiction ruled the 28 days of February, with two non fiction books thrown in for good measure.

Non fiction

Lagom: The Swedish Art of Balanced Living by Linnea Dunne

Yes, another book about the concept of lagom. This was one of my favorites, with practical tips for living a lagom life broken into sections that cover work, home, style, and more. Add in beautiful pictures and design and I loved the whole experience of reading this book.

My Kitchen Year: 136 Recipes That Saved My Life by Ruth Reichl

This cookbook/journey book was not on my radar until a fellow freelancer, trying to help those of us who were reeling from the closing of Parent Co., recommended it. Reichl was editor-in-chief when Gourmet magazine went under after 70 years, and she was understandably also reeling. During her journey through grief, she kept a journal, made Twitter friends, and cooked her way back to life and her next big project.

Reichl's book is a great reminder of what happens when you grab beautiful ingredients, slow down, and absorb the entire experience of making a meal. Reichl splits her book into seasons, and as winter melts into spring and the process of time carries on, she shares the pain and the triumph of starting over, as well as 136 recipes that will bring even the most desperate mourner back to life.

Besides being a great read, it's a phenomenal cookbook. I now make the meanest gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches on the block, so look out.

Fiction

Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward

This book is as amazing and shattering as everyone says. I felt like the first few pages were slow, but when I got hooked, I couldn't put it down.

Told from different points of view, Ward has a gift when it comes to giving each character a unique voice. Spanning generations and taking an honest look at the results of racism, "Sing, Unburied, Sing" should leave every reader unsettled. There were times I was holding my breath as I followed 13 year-old Jojo on his journey as he tried to come to terms with a father in prison, a mother with issues, and grandparents who wouldn't be around forever to protect him. Then there's the fact that he can communicate and hear things other people can't.

I'm not much of a ghosts-just-show-up-in-books person, but it happens here and it is done exceptionally well. That should say tons about Ward's writing and storytelling skills.

Brass by Xhenet Aliu

Told from the perspective of a mother and daughter at two different points in life, this is so much more than just a mother/daughter tale, though it does shed beautiful light on the complications of those relationships. It looks at the immigrant experience in the states and explores the stories we don't know about others, even those we're closest to.

When Luljeta rebels for the first time in her life, she goes all in. After being rejected from her first college choice, she sets out to find her father, who walked out of her life before he was born. Her journey leads her away from her mother, Elsie, while also revealing her mom's story and the conditions that left her stuck in the situation Luljeta desperately wants to leave.

This book kept me interested until the end. It was a human story with heartbreaking moments, and I recommend it.

The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin

I was worried going into this one because I saw the book everywhere, reviewed and marketed endlessly. That's either the sign of an amazing book or a set-up for disappointment because the book can't live up to the hype. I am happy to report that, for me, this book lived up to at least some of the hype. It's not the best I've read this year, but it's very good.

We meet the four Gold siblings in 1969 when they visit a fortune teller to find out the date each of them will die. From there, the stories are told by each sibling in different chapters. Will they each die when they were told? Are there benefits to supposedly knowing the expiration date on your life? These are the questions Benjamin seeks to answer, as well as if our decisions make a difference in the ultimate outcomes of our lives.

Mudbound by Hillary Jordan

In the post WWII world, when men of color fought in the war but came home to a country that still viewed them as second class citizens, we meet a cast of characters whose fates will intertwine to create a shattering story.

Ronsel comes back from Europe to the Mississippi Delta and helps his dad work the land he still doesn't own for the McAllan family.Jamie McAllan comes back to help his brother Henry and to try to get a grip on his life. Told from rotating points of view, we meet many characters and get to peer into their minds, giving us a glimpse into the racism, sexism, and horror of the not-so-recent past (and unfortunately, this kind of racism and sexism is still not rare.)

Jordan is an expert at creating full, rich, characters and putting them into a story that speeds to a horrifying conclusion.

One Station Away by Olaf Olafsson

I don't know why the word meandering comes to mind when I think of this novel, though it might very well fit. Olafssen tells the story of Magnus, a man mourning a loss while trying to deal with strained parental relations and work as a neurologist. Three women in his life connect the story, and the book is told partially through flashbacks that allow us to view Magnus' childhood and relationship with his fiancée.

I enjoyed this book.  It wasn't extraordinary, but it was thoughtful and well written.

Exit West by Mohsin Hamid

Hamid's book couldn't have existed at a better time than the present. Nadia and Saeed meet in the war-ravished country they live in and decide to escape through the magic doors that are popping up all over the place. These doors carry people to other locations, and though Nadia and Saeed leave the threats of their home country, they are forced to deal with the hostile attitude towards foreigners when they arrive in other lands.

This story explores major world issues while still remaining a personal story about two young people in a relationship. That may be its magic. This is my favorite book by Hamid.

Persevering in February

This month was short but full.  As I continue to try to persevere in certain areas, I find that it takes mindfulness to stay on course.  Here's where my mind and actions focused this month.

Autonomy for My Kids

I've always known my job as a parent is to get my kids ready to launch. We have a very short time to accomplish that, and I've started seeing how short since my oldest is halfway to 18. I'm trying to give all four more autonomy, still being there when they need me but not being there when I feel like I need to be and they don't. Sometimes it's hard to know the difference.

We've spent more time in nature, one area I want to continue to persevere in, and the kids are natural leaders there. I've also been handing over recipes and letting them cook, something that wasn't easy for me when they were younger since our flour costs $12 a bag.  Messes are costly, but so is robbing them of the independence of prepping food for their whole family.

Basically, I've been doing what I've always done but more often and with more natural consequences: let them make their mistakes, make their choices, test their limits, and deal with the outcomes.  Sometimes it's gone well, like a three hour outdoor exploration led entirely by the kids where we came home wet, tired, and exuberant. Sometimes it's been pretty awful, like when one kid didn't want to do AWANAS work, didn't do AWANAS work, then had a massive breakdown when the verses weren't magically memorized. Or when one kid didn't get out of the bathtub when asked just to throw sass and had to shove dinner down her throat in four minutes, miss bedtime stories and her nightly smoothie. That's life, and that's what we're preparing them for.

Loving the Planet

I've always cared about the planet, but I'm also kind of lazy. I have tried to make all the very big, environmentally positive changes in one day, and I've inevitably failed at all of them. Not this year.

I am making small changes that will hopefully have large impacts when it comes to taking care of the environment.  We've always recycled, but I also started making myself carry reusable bags to the store this month. I have done this in the past, but when I forgot I'd just take plastic. Now if I forget, I make myself by another reusable bag.  I'm cheap, so this is really working to jog my memory.

I needed new jeans (need is the accurate word in this case since I had one pair and they started ripping in two places that were going to eventually lead to indecent exposure charges), so I ordered from ThredUp, a used clothing company. Reusing is environmentally friendly, and the new jeans were made for me, even if I'm not the first one to wear them.

We're going to explore the recycling center in March to help the kids see the impact of our decisions.  I'm also trying to wear D down in the hopes that he will eventually get on board with composting. He has some concerns since I can't smell, and rats the size of squirrels are often seen on the sidewalks in our neighborhood, but I know I can make it work.  I don't really know that, but I'm trying to convince us all.

We're also eating loads of leftovers to decrease food waste, and that's decreasing our grocery bill in the process.

Accepting Constructive Criticism

I got the coolest rejection email last week, and I cannot shut up about it.  Okay, I've only told D, but he will tell you that I can't shut up about it.  A local, wonderful publication rejected one of my short stories, but they took the time to send me feedback because the story was well received by most of their reading committee.  They only send feedback about 10 percent of the time when they think stories have a real shot if revisions are made.

There were two detailed, very honest reviews of what did not go well with the story, and I hopped around the house like a toddler who found mom's secret chocolate stash for an hour after I read them. Why? Because they responded. They took the time. Also, they were right. I did what they said I did, it weakened the story and caused it to go unpublished, and now I can fix it. They also shed light on habits I have in my writing that I need to work to overcome, and I am eternally grateful for that.

It's easy to get stuck on the rejection part, but I try to teach my kids that learning, even if you don't win, is invaluable.  I actually felt that this month. I didn't personalize the rejection; I appreciated the  opportunity to improve.

Anxiety Tracking

It's come to my attention that many people still don't fully understand what anxiety is like, as evidenced by the many conversations I've sat through where things like "don't worry", "have faith", and "let go of control" are repeated.

Sure, people get anxious when they are stressed, but anxiety is also a recognized mental health issue that some of us can't fully control. I wake up on certain mornings with my heart rate elevated to the point that I can't take deep breaths. Nothing changed while I was sleeping except for a hormonal shift that affected my brain or my adrenals wigging out and not controlling my cortisol levels. I didn't just forget to "let go and let God".

Anyway, I started tracking my anxious days because they follow a pretty regular pattern. I am much better since my adrenals are recovering, but when I ovulate, I still have issues. The adrenals produce progesterone, mine still seem to be failing at this, so ovulation is a hard time for my body.

I may deal with this forever, or at least until menopause when I will begin a whole different load of challenges, so I'm trying to do what I can with what I have. I'm tracking my anxiety days because the best thing I can do when I'm anxious is contain the damage. I need to pull away as much as I can on these days, which isn't completely possible since I homeschool my kids.  Still, when D gets home and I've pegged a days as falling on the anxious scale, I leave. 

My anxiety looks nothing like me worrying 24/7. It looks like me being so irritable that there is nothing anyone can do that does not startle me and then push me into an all-out angry response.  Imagine all sounds causing my heart rate to spike and put me in fight or flight mode + four kids under the age of 10.  You'd be glad to see me leave, too.

Social Justice Activities

I voted in the Democratic primaries. It didn't take much time, I felt great about who I voted for, and I am counting down until November. It's not hard to get politically involved.

D and I also found a sitter so we can go meet with our church about the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. D and I haven't had a sitter in about three years. This is important, and we both want to be around the table discussing next steps, me as a survivor and him as the best damn feminist I know.

It Wasn't All Bad: Persevering in January

That last post about persevering through the loss of a familiar, wonderful freelance gig didn't leave much room to talk about other ways I persevered in January, ways that weren't so traumatic. I'm doing that here because my focus word has helped me evaluate my goals and plan my time, and it's going well. Here's where perseverance led me during the first month of the year.

I supported a local writer friend and signed up to be on a launch team for another writer that I know through a place we both have work published. I am also filling out Amazon reviews for books I love. I want to support artists, so I'm finding ways to make it happen.

I attended a Bible study on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the Book of Amos, and social justice. We have a discussion this week about where to go from here, and I can't wait to see what comes from it.

I attended the Women's March in Dallas with a dear friend. I was able to protest while hanging out with one of my favorite people, so double win. I also met women running for office in Texas while there and felt a sense of belonging that calmed me in the midst of all the upheaval in the world.

I kept in touch with my people face-to-face, through text, or on the phone. I do this regularly, but I tried to be the one to initiate contact more often. Community is necessary and healing.

I got out in nature and got the kids out in nature every second we could. We took the idea of no bad weather, just bad clothes seriously, and I have felt much better because of it. There's very little I know of that can't be cured by fresh air and sunshine.

Where I Need to Work

Fiction Writing: I pretty much met my goals on non-fiction work, but this novel needs to write its own damn self. I made progress, but not the progress I hoped for.

In case you're wondering, D is an excellent and very strict editor. When I missed my first deadline, I was sentenced to wiping the butts of the youngest in the house until my pages were turned in. That's two four-year-olds 24/7. He looks nice, but he does not play.

I did make major progress on a short story, so that's something. I think I may have to set an appointment every week to leave the house and set up camp alone to work on fiction. Will someone make sure I do this?  I am 38 years-old and still in desperate need of a keeper.

Sleep:  So, I need sleep. I need a bedtime routine. I need to grow up and get disciplined in this area because there is only so much coffee in the world. Whatever. We'll see.

How are you persevering in February?

So You Thought This Was Going to be Linear: Persevering in January

It's funny how when you set a goal, life decides obstacles might make it more interesting. Truthfully, I am lucky I chose my focus word and had a clear view of my goals before January, because the last week of the month blew pieces of my world to bits.

The website I contribute to regularly is about to disappear. A source of professional and personal support, as well as income, is going to evaporate, just like that.

I'm a freelance writer, so I should be used to this, but I'm not. I have been so lucky from the start because Parent Co. is amazing. I've published other places, but I really dug in with them because of my amazing editor, their streamlined process, and their unending support for their authors. Plus, I loved their website even before I wrote for them.

I handled the news really well. Just kidding, I freaked the hell out when I received the email on Monday. D wasn't home yet, and I was in the house with the kids suddenly dealing with tunnel vision and dry heaves. This was a gut punch, a loss, cause for immediate mourning. I calmed down long enough to realize this loss hurt for a multitude of reasons, and I was going to have to face all of them.

1. I like bringing in money. We don't depend on my income, thank God, but it's nice to have and I like making it. I like being paid consistently for what I do. Yes, I can do this with other sites, but I had a process that worked, and I LOVE my routines.

2. I have some serious identity confusion at times. I know I'm a writer whether my work is being published or not because I write. I know this is not the only place that has accepted my work.  However, the loss of this place made me feel like I lost my writer identity somehow, and I need my writer identity. I love being a mom and a wife, but I need to write and to view myself as a writer because it's what I do. Before I talked myself through the whole you're-still-a-writer-thing, I felt untethered.

3. I like it when things are linear. I worked a couple of years to establish my writing, and it went well. I found a place I loved and did work for them. Nice gig. This is not the freelancer's real life, and I should have known that since every freelancer on the planet will tell you all the time. I didn't listen because I didn't want to. I am at the starting-over place—luckily not totally over because I have made contacts and built my resume—but I do not love the two-steps-back process.

4. I love the people I work for and with. I submitted to Parent Co. because I read their articles and found them beautiful and useful. They spoke to me as a parent in a way that I needed to be spoken to. I was so intimidated that I hesitated to submit my work, then when the first article was accepted, I assumed it was a fluke and was scared to try again. I finally did after my editor reached out to me, and now I have around 50 articles that have found a home there.

Luckily, the writers and my editor (is it weird that I'm still claiming her?) have come together and vowed to never leave each other. The support has been more than I thought was possible.

Everyone talks about how enlightening and freeing it feels to be pushed out of a routine and into the scary places, but here's the truth: first it feels like shit, like a sucker punch, like your skin is on fire and you are running from yourself.

I cried a lot. I still cry a lot, even though we're going on day five of the news. I cry because something beautiful is ending. I cry because beautiful things are already being planted. I cry because I feel taken care of by people I've never even met in person, and I need that right now. I am zero percent useful in a crisis. I hate this about myself, but it is a fact. One friend told me to just be bossy during a crisis and it would calm me down, but what would I say during my bossy time?  Don't follow me, I'm just running in circles with no clue? This is as horrible as it seems, I can feel it?  I just threw up in my mouth?  Nobody needs to hear from the person who can only bring themselves to this, which is me.

Other writers have created lists and are encouraging all of us to get back out there and own it. They are reminding us kindly of all the waiting rejection but also of the possible success. They are whispering persevere.

And I will. The first night I just cried into a plate of cheesy bacon fries and sent an email to my friend that said, "I'm not having a crisis. Wait, yes I am." D talked me off the ledge about 400 times, only to have me start crying again five minutes later.

My friend sent an email back that said "you're gonna continue to rock out with your lady c*ck out (that's a colloquialism. If you have a lady c*ck I think I would have heard about it by now)", and I laughed for the first time since I got the news. I will rock out, eventually.

In honor of a wonderful site that gave me so much love and support, here are three pieces that hold a special place in my heart that were lucky enough to find homes on Parent Co. Check them out before the site is gone for good at the end of the month.

The Inconvenience of Girls Who Want

I outed myself as a survivor of rape and sexual assault in this one, though you would have to notice the word we instead of them to catch it.

I don't believe victims of rape and sexual assault have to out themselves. It took me over a decade to tell anyone I was raped, and I still don't share the details. However, it was important for me to tell at this point in my life, and this article was the beginning of that. I felt freer once it was published, and I am so grateful my editor saw fit to include it on the site.

Raising an Orchid Child in a Dandelion World

When I found out one of my kids was an orchid, life made sense in a way it hadn't previously. I was able to pull together all of the research I had been doing when I wrote this one, and it gave me an opportunity to get everything straight in my head.


Can a Mother be Undeserving of Her Child's Love?

Originally titled "When Love is a Homemade Necklace, and I'm Not Worthy", this is the first piece that I ever had published on Parent Co. I am still way too careless with my children's love, and I try to do better every day. Putting this piece out there made me feel both vulnerable and accepted, even when I'm screwing up this mom thing.

May you go forth and persevere in February and every day, no matter what life hits you with. Onward.