Further evidence I have lost a considerable amount of brain cells came today at Sammy’s vaccine appointment. It actually ended up being Sammy’s 20-month well baby check-up. But wait, there aren’t 20-month well baby check-ups are there? Actually, no, not unless your mother has actively endangered your health through negligence for the last eight months.
When the nurse told Sammy to step onto the scale, I reminded her he was just coming in for a vaccine.
“We do them one at a time. I don’t like to overwhelm their systems.”
“He’ll get his vaccine after the doctor sees him.”
“But he isn’t here to see the doctor.”
“He’s seeing the doctor.”
Alrighty then. She checked his height and head measurement and went on her merry way.
When our pediatrician entered the room, she stared me down and said, “So why are we skipping well baby appointments?”
These people are thoroughly confused today, I thought.
“His next well baby is in December when he turns two.”
“His next well baby was supposed to be at 15 months, then 18 months. We haven’t seen him since he turned one.”
What?!?
“Wait, we’ve been in here every month since April getting vaccines.”
“I know. I’m not sure how this wasn’t caught until now.”
Then it hit me: each nurse at the last two appointments asked if Sammy was healthy and if he had seen the doctor recently. My answer: yes, at his last well-baby. I wasn’t lying, they didn’t check the medical file since I must have looked somewhat sane that day and that was that.
At this point, I started punting. If Sam was my first child, I would have started crying, claiming sleep deprivation and ignorance and lamenting on how hard it is for first time moms. But evidence to disprove my first time mom status was sitting next to me: Wren.
So I started looking for other outs. God forgive me, but I started attempting to throw my husband under the fast approaching bus.
“Well,” I said in a hushed tone, “Dennis took him to the one-year well baby. I had just started my library job and worked that day.”
Uh, except Dennis wouldn’t have made the 15 month appointment because he never makes advance appointments which is why he only gets his teeth cleaned after he’s received three reminder letters, a phone call, and I just call and make his appointment myself. The doctor didn’t know that, but once I realized it, I couldn’t commit to misleading her into putting this on D. I shifted gears.
“Actually, the doctor who checked Sammy must not have specified when the next appointment was.” There are two doctors and two nurse practitioners in this office. I like all but one, and I was hoping it was the one I didn’t like who was about to get busted(I know, this was not my best hour).
After looking through her notes the pediatrician said, “I saw Sammy at his one year. And I wrote in my notes that I told his parent I needed to see him in three months.”
That did not work out the way I hoped.
“Miscommunication. Weird.”
Anyway, it all turned out well despite my negligence and overall forgetting kids are supposed to be stared at and probed to make sure they are developing properly. Sammy is growing(he’s tall and skinny, just another way he’s like dad), he’s developing properly in every area, and our pediatrician thinks the diet we live on is helping him thrive.
“I can say, he never gets sick. We would have caught this if the little guy had caught a cold, but he just never needs to see a doctor because he never gets sick,” she said.
Not wanting to be misleading yet again I reminded her, “He did kind of get sick the one time.”
She checked her file.
“Yeah, there was that.”
Awkward silence.
“So, bring him to the two-year well baby.”
“For sure. We’ve had that one planned forever.”
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