Tuesday, July 15, 2014

How You Know You or Someone You Love Has Celiac

Somehow Celiac Awareness Month scooted by in May, and I didn't post anything Celiac related.  That's a good thing; Celiac doesn't dominate our lives the way it did right after D and Wren were diagnosed.  Of course, we still have to be just as diligent, but that diligence is now second nature, habit.  It feels less like a nuisance and more like just living our lives.

Still, there are moments when you know what you're experiencing is Celiac specific.  I'd like to share a few:

You Know You or Someone You Love Has Celiac When:

1.  You are hungry for toast, but by the time you defrost your bread, broil it so it's not soggy and let it cool so you don't burn your tongue, you don't remember why the bread sounded good in the first place.

2.  You dread people cooking food and bringing it to your house because you have to politely smile and then find another family without 26 food allergies or sensitivies to eat it.

3.  Your grocery budget rivals your mortgage payment.

4.  No matter where you go, you bring your own cooler.

5.  When someone says "animal crackers" or "goldfish crackers", you immediately go on alert as if someone screamed "shark" or "zombie attack."

6.  Your pantry is full of essential oils, homeopathic remedies and vitamins because if the person with Celiac gets sick and needs an antibiotic, that means you have to call the companies who make antibiotics and experience red rage because they have no idea what is in their products.

7.  Everyone in your house is way too comfortable talking about farts.

8.  The people at the very few restaurants you can eat at scream, "Celiac on the floor" and start changing gloves before you even put in your order.

9.  Most restaurant managers in the area hate you because of all the questions you call and ask before you eat at their place.  They really hate that you call back four times using different accents to make sure you get the same answers from each person who touches the food.

10.  When someone who has just had their hands on Wonder Bread attempts to touch your gluten-free food, you slap them, explain basic food manners, then explain Celiac food etiquette including the words, "Your crumbs kill people." 

Happy Celiac Awareness month two months late!

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