Nine on the 9th, or Halfway to 18

My oldest kid is nine, and it's a bit hard to process. Since we had Wren and Sam's parties on the same weekend, I actually avoided having the full slam of her being nine hit me until after it was all over. Now I'm sitting here thinking, um, where exactly did that time go?

When Wren was the age of her youngest sisters, she had a two and half year old brother and we brought home twin infants. It may feel like she grew up fast because she had to. She became the diaper grabber and mommy's helper very, very early. (Sidenote: D and I laugh so hard at the idea of bringing home one, let alone two, kids with the twins this age because we still view them as babies. I'm not sure if we are being unfair to the oldest or the youngest.)

Wren's vibrant personality has served her well this year as we have made some major changes.  We switched churches, and Wren joined a new choir and made friends with everyone in about five minutes. She is known wherever she goes.  We hesitated to move for as long as we did because we didn't want to disrupt her life, but she found her people and was the one to ask, "When are we joining because I want to call this place mine?"

She went to day camp. There's a whole story about her not being able to find her bathing suit the first day, so I sent her to church camp in a bathing suit that was too small like she was trying out for a lifeguard role on Baywatch. She did not care. She loved it.

Wren started gymnastics, and her dedication to this pursuit astounds me.  She's been promoted to level two after only four months, and she practices all the time.  Challenges don't daunt her the way they used to.  She has a bring-it-on attitude that allows her to do hard things.

She has the skills when it comes to art and is currently working on a series that centers around a bird (of course, because she is my Wren.)

She LOVES to read, and her current obsession is Harry Potter.  Praise God for kids who like good books!

I also figured out Wren's Enneagram number this year, I think, and that has helped me relate to her decisions in a better way.  I see some of her actions in a new light, and this has helped me guide her.  The big thing for her is letting her know she can be loved for who she is, not just what she does.  That is not an easy one for her to grasp.

At Wren's birthday party, I took a picture of her and her fabulous girl crew.  I won't publish it here because not all of those kids belong to me, but a friend pointed out that Wren was trying to touch all of her friends in the picture.  Her arms are around their shoulders, and she is literally stretching her body as far as she can to make sure everyone feels wanted. She's an includer, and she is surrounded by some of the greatest friends on earth. When I get stressed because the whole world seems crazy, I look at these kids and see that they are going to be world changers, love givers, women who make a difference in every way.  It gives me peace.

Birthday snuggles

Birthday Interview

Favorite experience this year:  Birthday party, trip to Austin, Camp in the City, any time at Nanny's house

Ways she grew:  She developed her artistic skills

Interest or hobbies: gymnastics, Harry Potter, art, reading

Favorite way to spend time with others: cuddling and playing

Hope for the year:  have the same friends, avoid bullies, do well at AWANAS

I think Wren has gotten both the best (undivided time before the other kids were born) and the worst (so many expectations that were probably unfair because she's the oldest) from her place in the birth order. I can't wait to see what this kid does, and I just feel fortunate to be here to witness her everyday life.

Ready to head into the world on the back of Pappy's Harley

Wrapping Up a Year of Simplicity

I'm wrapping up the year where my focus word was simple.  I believe simple will always be my goal, and this year's focus offered profound results.  I discovered hygge.  I discovered minimalism.  I chose to cut down on emotional clutter and to choose the most important things and let the others go.  It's been liberating and challenging.

As I finish the last couple of weeks of the year with this focus, I'm trying to make sure I accomplish three things daily: worship, movement, and writing.  Of course, I will parent and read books, have coffee with friends and Netflix dates with D.  I am focusing on the three because they are things I want to do daily that I don't always, even though they are important to me. 

I write daily, but I'm still lagging when it comes to fiction output.  I love to exercise, but that still somehow falls to the bottom of the list on crazy days.  I pray and seek God, but it's sometimes done in a hurried way that doesn't allow room for thoughtful, still meditation.

I'm also giving myself until the end of the year to try to set and keep a bedtime.  If I fail yet again, I am giving up and accepting the way I'm wired.

I did a ton of research on sleep, and it scared the hell out of me because I haven't slept like a normal person in over 8 years.  If the studies are correct, I should have died from all the negative effects on my body six months ago.

I don't want my adrenal glands to crash on me again.  I like sunrises and would love to see more.  I love the feeling of getting eight solid hours of sleep.

However, none of this has been enough to motivate me to have a nightly get-ready-for-bed routine that I actually stick to.  I think, for better or worse, I may just be a night person who still has to suffer through early mornings because my kids demand it. It sometimes physically hurts, but I don't know how to fix this problem.  One more try, then I'm just going to surrender to my body falling apart from being tired.  I don't know what else to do.  I'm pretty sure worrying about it all the time is killing me slowly anyway.

I will likely write more on simplicity. I didn't even get to how it affected food, friendships, or fashion. There's nothing in my life a simplicity approach didn't touch.

So, onward to exercise and bedtimes, meditation and creating fictional characters.  It's not easy, but it's simple.

November Book List

Non-fiction ruled the month, and there wasn't a bad book in the bunch.  Enjoy!

The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

I make it a point to read most books by Gretchen Rubin because her research is meticulous and her writing enjoyable.  In her latest book, she explores the idea of four tendencies, a concept she first brought up in her last book, "Better Than Before".  She explains how knowing your tendency will help you meet your goals and how understanding other people's tendencies will help you interact successfully with them.  The tendencies are: Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, and Rebel.

I love this one, and I highly recommend.  Also, I'm an obliger.  Learning my tendency has helped me understand a lot more about how I function.

The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli J. Finkel

Finkel thought he was going to write a book about how we don't seek as much from our marriages now as we did before because of the other outlets we have to fulfill our needs.  After preliminary research, he found out he was wrong.  It turns out we expect more from our marriages than any generation before, and good marriages are growing stronger and weak marriages are dying under the pressure.

Finkel explores the history of marriage and then walks us through where we are now and what we can do to enhance our relationships.  This book was insightful and well-researched, and I think it should be required reading for those who are married or who have even ever thought about getting married.

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie

This is the first Agatha Christie book I've ever read, and somehow I avoided spoilers.  It was good, though knowing there was going to be a twist at the end took a bit of shock out of the actual twist.  If you haven't read it and you like mysteries, grab it.


Bored and Brilliant by Manoush Zomorodi

I wrote about this book here, and I really enjoyed reading it.  In a world where many people feel like they are slaves to their phones more than they would like, Zomorodi challenges readers to learn to interact with their technology intentionally by giving them challenges.  She also presents research that will give many of us pause when thinking about how we handle our phones in our lives.

This isn't a technology detox, but the challenges can be difficult.  I found myself having to remember what my goals were when performing the challenges, and some of them were harder than I imagined they would be.  I'm not a phone-in-my-hand-all-the-time person, and I have no notification alerts on my phone.  That's why I was caught off guard when I realized how many interactions with my phone are habit and not at all thought out.

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss and Tahl Raz

I wrote an article about the profound effect Voss' book had on my parenting style, and I cannot recommend this one enough.  Voss' stories of his days as a hostage negotiator are interwoven with tips about how to interact in any situation to make sure the outcome is as positive as possible.

Surprisingly, Voss' tactics don't depend on force or muscle.  He emphasizes active listening, tactical empathy, and many other skills that are considered soft, though the pay off is strong.  I love this book and find myself using techniques from it almost daily.

Fiction

Young Jane Young by Gabrielle Zevin

This book was an unexpected surprise that I devoured in a day.  Zevin has crafted a fictional tale of a young woman who has an affair with a married politician, only to have her life destroyed when it's discovered, while the politician suffers no repercussions.  It's a perfect tale for any time, but it especially resonates now.

Told from three different perspectives, we see how the entire situation unfolds and get a very real view of what we do to women in our culture who step out of line, even as men usually don't have to worry about the consequences.  This is a must read.

Tell Me How This Ends Well by David Samuel Levinson

This was a quirky grab that I wasn't sure about, but I'm glad I saw it through.  Told from the perspective of three siblings who are living five years in the future, "Tell Me How This Ends Well" unfolds as the adult Jacobson children are preparing to kill their father.

The backdrop is a very anti-Semitic United States, and the reason for the desire to murder is all the cruelty the father bestowed on his kids throughout their childhood.  A recent cancer diagnosis for their mothers has made the kids want to offer her a peaceful time at the end of her days, and they believe the only way to do that is by getting rid of their dad.

Hilarious, sad, and very will written, this story had me up until one a.m. turning the last pages.  The characters are well-formed, and the story of family is beautiful, despite the obvious murder plot.

Simplicity Focus: Matches and Kerosene

Reading Ta-Nehisi Coates' book We Were Eight Years in Power reminded me of how you can't really move into a healthy place working through a broken system.  Until we admit that racism caused the Civil War and that the fallout even after the north won led to more racism, we aren't being fair to blacks.  We can't be surprised when Colin Kaepernick or anyone else kneels for the anthem. That flag has never meant freedom for blacks in the same way it has for whites.  Let's acknowledge that and dismantle the system.

I feel the same way about the patriarchy that leaves in its wake wounded women who are then blamed for their own rapes and assaults.  Coates' book reminded me that broken systems need to be destroyed and built again based on truth.  What I have seen in the wake of all the sexual assault allegations coming to the surface is people telling women to fix the crimes they didn't commit.

Dress modestly.

Have less women in the workplace.

Never be alone with a man.

Here's a thought: men, stop hurting women.  Take responsibility for this being your problem and don't lay it on women.  So simple.

The issue is that treating women badly and getting away with it is so prevalent in our society that no one even sees it anymore. Making women responsible for other people's actions is habit.

I discussed with a friend that my oldest is getting to the point where we have to start talking about the older kid things, like wearing bras. I told her I was hesitating even bringing it up because I don't want any of my daughters to assume they have to follow a societal norm if it doesn't work for them, whether it's shaving their legs or wearing bras.

My friend agreed, but she said we wear the bras and watch the wardrobe closely in order to keep ourselves safe.  She meant well with this statement, but I was way past that way of thinking.

Me:  I can't say I think it's doing a lot of good.  I would rather send my braless daughters into the world with pepper spray and brass knuckles with a come-at-me-mother*cker attitude than to let them run around thinking that if they had just dressed differently they would have been okay.

She wholeheartedly agreed that my approach could also work.

That's when I realized I wanted to set the patriarchy on fire, not try to put Band-Aids over a broken leg.

How can we make people understand that women aren't possessions? How we can we make women understand that no one has the right to do something to them if they don't consent, and that they don't have to say I'm sorry or feel ashamed when they are hurt?  How can people in the church get on the right side of this issue since many of them are busy defending a pedophile after electing a president accused of sexual assault?  I mean,  Jesus didn't tell women to dress modestly.  He warned men that if they lusted when looking at women, they might want to go pluck their own eyes out.  It's a pretty clear message.

Burning the patriarchy down is not an anti-man message.  Good men, like my husband, aren't scared of this idea at all.  They welcome it with open arms.  If those who believe they have rights to women's bodies that they don't are shaking in their boots at this idea, well, good.  That's the point.

We need to make it unacceptable to hurt women and then blame women for it.  We need to stop excusing sexism and misogyny in its many forms.  The term locker room talk needs to die.

Here's another thing:  just because women don't come forward immediately doesn't mean they weren't assaulted or raped.  Women who are sexually assaulted often don't report it for years, if ever, for a variety of reasons.  It's not because it didn't happen.  Also, with the hell they take when they come forward and the backed up rape kits that are never even tested, they don't feel a big incentive to come forward.

Of the women I know and count as friends, I would say at least half of us have been assaulted or raped.  None of us reported it.

Asking why a woman didn't report a crime against her body implies there was no crime or she would have said something sooner.  Forget the evidence that shows these men have harmed multitudes of women and none of them felt they could say anything.

After a stressful month where I felt helpless a good portion of the time, my simple goal came into focus: stop accepting this society, the one that devalues women.  Stop trying to fix small parts of it.  Take it apart every day and put something better in its place.

I would like to say that this is starting to happen with all the women coming forward, but I'm not optimistic.  These men will not lose anything near what these women have.  They won't suffer criminal prosecutions, though they would if they had stolen someone's car.  Most of them won't lose their jobs even if they attempted to rape teenagers.  As Sady Dole wrote in her amazing book, Trainwreck, men can get away with a hell of a lot more than women.

This will be a long fight, but it's worth it.  I want to push against what we've been taught and what we've seen when it comes to how women should be treated.  I want to make sure my life reflects love and care for the women I know and those that I don't.  I want all of us to banish the belief that women can't support each other and that women are hyperemotional messes.  Where I see sexism in my own life or in anyone else's, I want to draw attention to it and make a change.

What this will look like throughout my life I don't know, but I know this will be a forever mission, a calling if you will.  If you want to join, bring some matches.  Some things need to burn.

Just getting started on your burn-down-the-patriarchy journey?  Grab these books:

Trainwreck by Sady Doyle
Dietland by Sarai Walker
Young Jane Young by Gabrielle Zevin
Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey

The October Book List

October's books did not disappoint.  Non-fiction was dominant this month, but all were great reads.


Non-fiction

Hygge:  The Danish Art of Happiness by Marie Tourell Soderberg
I've read a ton of books on hygge, and I feel like I need to read them forever because of the good, basic reminders for how to live well.  This book was good, but it wasn't the best I've read this year.  The author had interviews, recipes, and general information, but it wasn't as informative or as entertaining as the other books I've picked up on the topic.

Going Into Town: A Love Letter to New York by Roz Chast
Roz Chast won me over with her graphic novel, Can We Talk About Something More Pleasant.  Going Into Town was great.  When I get back to New York, I will likely take this as a guidebook.  Chast wrote it for her daughter when she moved to Manhattan, but she turned it into an entire graphic novel, and it is as informative as it is funny.

Warehouse Home by Sophie Bush
I scanned this book, and it was beautifully designed.  Alas, I do not live in a warehouse home.  I'm in the suburbs and don't have the architectural specifications that would make this book useful for me.  I did like checking out the designs within, though.

 We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy by Ta-Nehisi Coates
Coates is one of the strongest writers and smartest thinkers in the world today, and I never walk away from  his writing unchanged.  Between the World and Me is an epic accomplishment that D and I read together so we could discuss it.  We did the same with this book.  Coates speaks of race with honesty, making no excuses for our country's decision to base it's so-called liberty on enslaving African Americans.

If you read Coates writing in the The Atlantic, then you will likely recognize some of these essays.  There are eight that he wrote starting with Obama's campaign through his years in the White House.  He also starts each essay explaining what was going on in his life and the life of the country at the time he was writing.

Coates' work is well-researched (that's an understatement.  I don't have a word for the kind of work he puts into his essays.)  He also weaves in his personal story seamlessly with the bigger story at hand, that of the enslavement and oppression of blacks for generations.  If I had my way, this book would be required reading for the masses.

Trainwreck: The Women We Love to Hate, Mock, and Fear...and Why by Sady Doyle
Coming off of the heavy content of Coates' work, I dove right into Doyle's book about how women are often viewed as trainwrecks due to behavior that men are never labeled for.  This book is a great introduction to feminism and is also perfect for a seasoned feminist who wants to make sure he/she isn't sliding into bad habits when judging women.

Doyle looks at figures such as Mary Wollstonecraft, Charlotte Bronte, and Sylvia Plath, as well as Britney Spears, Hillary Clinton, and Miley Cyrus to dissect how we treat women who don't follow the rules.  She also holds up examples of men who get away with quite a bit more in our society.

In the world of Harvey Weinstein and other predators, many who still go unpunished because their accusers are women, Doyle's book is much needed.

Dear Fahrenheit 451: Love and Heartbreak in the Stacks by Annie Spence
READ THIS BOOK!  If you can make it through the chapter about Spence having to weed out The One Hour Orgasm book without laughing so hard you snort, I will give you five dollars!

Spence is a librarian, and having worked in a library and being only 15 hours short of my MLS degree, I have a huge appreciation for this book.  Spence writes letters to books in her life, and she also makes some stellar recommendations for readers at the end of the book.  It's a quick read that is hilarious, touching, and perfect for anyone who loves to read.


At Home in the World: Reflections on Belonging While Wandering the Globe  by Tsh Oxenreider
I have heard Oxenreider speak on podcasts and really enjoy her insight.  This book about the nine months she spent with her family traveling the globe pushes against the idea that we can't travel with kids.  Her children were all under the age of ten when the trip started.  She and her husband were already experienced travelers, so she had an advantage there, but she makes world schooling with young kids seem possible.

Oddly, this book wasn't what I expected.  I didn't feel near as connected to Oxenreider as I expected considering the fact that this was a memoir-style story.  I still enjoyed it, and her writing is strong, but it just didn't have as profound of an effect on me as I thought it would.  D and I have been struggling with wanderlust for a while now, but this book didn't make me want to grab the kids and hit the road. Oxenreider's honesty about the challenges of travel reminded me that we would be seeking gluten-free food in countries where we didn't speak the language, and Meniere's disease would likely keep me puking or dealing with vertigo on every plane, train, or car ride.  I still want to travel, but I appreciate this book for reminding me that it's more than glamour and new places, even if I would have liked more depth in the narrative in certain areas.

Fiction

Forest Dark by Nicole Krauss
I read this one very early in the month, so I have a general impression of it more than a detailed account.  My overall feeling was that though I enjoyed it and the author had some profound thoughts, I wasn't 100 percent sure what I had read when it was over.

Krauss plays with the idea of divided selves, the idea that we can be in one place and feel in another, sort of.  Even the book is told in a divided way, with the two protagonists receiving alternating chapters and never connecting in the story.  Nicole and Jules are both from New York and both end up in Israel for what could be considered existential crisis-like reasons.  They both chase unlikely tales despite their doubts.  They are both questioning their previous lives at home.

I am glad I read this, but I didn't take away anything concrete.  It was beautifully written, but I usually like to know at the end of stories if what I think happened really did happen, or if what occurred was a metaphor for an idea that was over my head.  This one may have just been a little too smart for me, and that's okay.

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
I don't know how many times I've read The Bell Jar in my life.  A lot is my best estimate.  I ran across Plath's name online and was overcome with an insane desire to read this again.  I actually own this one (I don't buy many books despite how much I read.  I am a big lover of the public library.) so I grabbed it off the shelves and dived in.

I haven't read this one in years, and I am a different person than I was when I last read it.  Plath appeared to me in ways that were so different and yet the same.  Yes, the story is fiction, but most say it's so closely based on her life that the novel ruined real life marriages, and it wasn't supposed to be released until her mother died.  (It was anyway.)

The story tells of Esther Greenwood and her summer in New York as she starts suffering from a mental breakdown.  It's honest and raw.  It led me down a rabbit hole as I researched again Plath's suicide that left her two young children behind, her son's suicide a few years ago, and the suicide of Ted Hughes' mistress, who also killed their child. (Hughes was Plath's husband at the time of her death.)  I am going to dive into Plath's poetry again next, but this excursion gave me a lot to think about for awhile.

The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
Author Annie Spence is so convincing that I ran out and picked up The Virgin Suicides from the library because it's her favorite book. I was not disappointed.  This beautiful story was my introduction to Eugenides, and his writing is flawless. 

He tells a story about the Lisbon sisters and the boys who watch and love them, mainly from a distance.  We know that they will all commit suicide by the end of the story, but that doesn't take away from the beauty of this book at all.   Eugenides captures lust, obsession, and adolescence perfectly, and I was  sad when this one ended.

Simplicity: The Mental Health Edition

October had a bit of a rough start.  The shooting in Vegas, the death of Tom Petty, personal complications, they all landed and stuck in my brain.  The way I felt the first couple of weeks of this month can best be described as a baby who has been varnished with sand paper.  I was just so raw.

Then the Weinsten charges and the #MeToo started, and a lot more bad feelings rose to the surface.  

I've had some struggles with anxiety and depression the last couple of years, and though dealing with the health problems that set off the bad flojo mojo in my brain has helped a lot, I'm not immune to down days.  It probably did not help that I chose a down day to pick up The Bell Jar to reread, but that's neither here nor there.

This was me.

Courtesy of pics.me.me

The problem is that I never remember how to crawl back to the light when I'm in the darkness.  Understand that oftentimes will has nothing to do with it.  Some people need medication.  I need 40 supplements a day.  I'm not talking about some kind of mind over matter BS.  Get help when you need help, and don't be ashamed about it.

It's just that I'm already receiving tons of support and knew that my sadness was situational, and I still had a hard time pulling out of it.  I didn't want to try.  I wanted to curl up and live in the black fog at the same time I wanted to be rid of it.

What finally gave me a lift was accidentally stumbling onto the things that help me cope.  I didn't go out seeking them.  I was too busy reading The Bell Jar, remember?  I just got up every day and was reminded of what helps when I'm in a funk. 

My tips, in case you need them.

Be around people, even if you don't want to, but only for as long as you can take it.  Choose awesome people. 

Do one thing on the to-do list.  Make the phone call.  Pay the bill. Remember that you are capable of functioning.

Self-talk it out. Get to the core of why you feel bad.  Look for solutions.  Accept it when there are none.

Slow way, way down. Read the extra bedtime story, opt for crazy slow mornings, spend more time than necessary on a science experiment that involves dirt that will forever be stuck on the baseboards.  Moving in slower fashion helps us appreciate all the little things that are actually quite big.

Cry with someone who loves you.  It's fine.  They might cry, too.

September Book List

Time blocking helped me use every minute to the fullest in September, and I read ten wonderful books.  Whenever I caught myself wasting time on something that didn't need to be done, I asked, what would I rather be doing?  Reading was almost always the answer.

Fiction

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

I fell in love with Ng's first book, Everything I Never Told You.  The way she examines relationships, reveals what we do and do not show of ourselves to others, is magical.  Her talent is a gift, and that book took my breath away. 

Little Fires Everywhere is a worthy sophomore novel, and I couldn't put it down.  Ng does what she's best at: looks at the inner workings of family life and reveals what's going on under the surface.

The fires in this novel encompass teenage romance, racism, and class conflict.  She looks at the temptation to try to plan our way into the perfect life and how those plans can fall apart.  Ultimately, in this book Ng asks what makes a mother and doesn't give us the easy answer.

Saga of the Swamp Thing by Alan Moore

D put this one on my list, and I enjoyed it.  I don't seek out graphic novels on my own, but he has introduced me to that world.  I'm grateful for how I have to slow down and examine the pictures as well as how strong the writing was in this story.  I was lucky enough to have D to give me some back story on the previous issues, and I recommend that if you pick up in the middle with this one.

American Housewife: Stories by Helen Ellis

I read this book in one afternoon, and it was wonderful.  Funny, disturbing, and relevant, American Housewives is a collection of short pieces about the experiences of housewives, none of them typical.  Ellis isn't afraid to take her readers to the dark side while still making them laugh out loud.

Stories of murder and bra fitting are included, as well as an examination of book clubs and infertility.  Grab this one for a quick read.

Anything is Possible by Elizabeth Strout

The sort-of sequel to My Name is Lucy Barton is elegantly written and full of characters that readers will remember long after the last page is turned.  Each chapter tells of townspeople who are somehow connected to Lucy Barton, some who are even related to her.  Living in her hometown, they struggle with lost love, past war horrors, and secrets that destroy.

When Lucy ventures home after years away, she confronts the people she left behind. Read My Name is Lucy Barton first, but have this one on hold to devour when you're finished.


Non-fiction

Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker

I started the month with Hatmaker's hilarious quick read.  Writing funny and touching material is hard, and I am constantly amazed at how easy Hatmaker makes it look, telling of her adventures when following the wrong bus to a school field trip as well as sharing her faith sincerely.

For those familiar with any of her previous books, such as For the Love and Seven, expect more of the same honest, girlfriend talk mixed in with recipes and how-to sections. Hatmaker excels at giving us permission to be human and to let go of the idea that we can attain perfection.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

I have read articles by and about Cain, and I have listened to her podcast.  She is the reason I understand the introverts in my home (as well as the introverted side of myself which is growing more prominent as each day passes), and she gave me the language to finally see that one of my kids is an orchid.  In short, I owe her my life.

I finally made time to actually read her well-researched bestseller, and it was amazing.  I don't often buy books because I am a minimalist and have access to awesome libraries, but I purchased this one and highlighted it to death.  I will read it regularly and refer to it for tips.

Everyone, whether they are an introvert or not, needs to read this book.  Cain may have found a way to help us all understand each other better.

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Wall

The movie, which I haven't seen, recently came out, and this pushed me to finally read this book, one that has been on my shelf for over a year.  Wall's account of her very unconventional childhood is well-written, heartbreaking, and utterly unforgettable.

Raised by an  intelligent but alcohol-loving father and a mother who believes herself to be more fit for creating art than raising kids, the Wall children largely learn to care for themselves.  However, the dynamic between the members of this family is unique, and Wall's parents follow her and her siblings even after they leave home.

I found myself infuriated at most every decision the parents of the Wall children made, but I loved this book.  Wall writes in beautiful prose that makes this book feel like fiction even as we know it's real.

Gone: a Girl, a Violin, a Life Unstrung by Min Kym

Cue the playlist on Spotify before starting this one. Hearing Kym play the violin is a treasure that goes along perfectly with her account of what is was like to grow up a prodigy.  Besides all of the struggles that entails, Kym then found the violin that felt like it was made for her, only to have it stolen while she sat at a cafe. This loss unraveled her and started her on another journey to discover who she was when not defined by her instrument.

Kym's writing is good, though it's the story that is exceptional.  Reading this story of loss while hearing her music float through the air is haunting.

The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone by Olivia Laing

This thought-provoking read is part-memoir, part study of art, artists, and the dilemma of loneliness.  Interweaving her own story of living in New York City, surrounded at all times by people but utterly alone, Laing also shares information about artists like Edward Hopper and Andy Warhol.

Well-researched and excruciatingly painful to read at times, Laing explores what loneliness does to us as well as the way that society creates the condition.  She also discusses what it means to go through the world without adopting the belief that coupling off is the only way.

The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own by Joshua Becker

I recommend this book for anyone interested in minimalism.  Though I prefer Marie Kondo's more extreme way of going through items to downsize, Becker has his own charm and may be easier for people with less all-or-nothing tendencies.

There are two parts of this book that especially excited me.  Becker addresses having a family and being a minimalist.  It's a unique challenge because you have to respect other people's things while still longing for less.  He has tips for how to handle that.

Becker also offers tips for keeping the house tidy after it's uncluttered and minimized.  Kondo failed me on this one.  Her theory is that once a house is tidied up, it will never again have issues.  Since other people live in my house, that is 100 percent untrue, so I loved Becker's tips for how to keep things scaled back each day.