Questions, Questions

I have no experience with fertility treatment.  When we were trying to get pregnant with Wren and were not successful for six months, my history of endometriosis led our doctor to recommend we get our equipment checked, and they made Dennis go first.  I’ll spare you the details, but basically D had the pleasure of doing something majorly personal in a cup and then we found out before the test results were in that I was pregnant.  Well, at least he has the memories.

Anyway, we were not sure if we would have fertility treatment if the results came back less than great or if we would pursue adoption or not have kids.  Doesn’t matter much now because we’re obviously fertile.   I haven’t thought about it much since then. 

That is, until I became pregnant with twins.  Now I wonder how people who do conceive by fertility treatment feel about being public about that information, how constant questions make them feel, if they ever just want to tell people, “you’re kind of asking if I had lots of crazy, stand on my head sex with the hubs and still couldn’t get pregnant so I then went and had to deal with a lot of other invasive junk, and you expect me to tell you though I don’t know you”.

The reason I wonder is because I sometimes don’t know how to take immediate invasive questions that accompany revealing a pregnancy with multiples.  I didn’t expect it.  Maybe it’s not supposed to be offensive and people are just curious because twinning has increased as fertility treatment has.  Dennis seems to think these questions aren’t meant to offend and that the people who ask them assume they aren’t being intrusive.

Me:  You’re not looking at this from a woman’s perspective.  It’s like asking if you were able to get pregnant on your own.  If you weren’t, that might be a sore spot.

D:  Would it be like someone asking if I could get it up?

Me:  More like if you were shooting blanks.

D:  Hmmm…still don’t think I’d be offended.

Maybe it isn’t supposed to be offensive.  I don’t know, but here are some of my favorite ways for people to ask if we had fertility treatment and some of the responses I have either given or have thought about giving.

Were your twins spontaneous?

This one threw me at first.  For some reason I thought this person was asking me if I was just walking down the street and BOOM two babies just appeared in my uterus.  My first instinct was to say, "actually I had sex", but then I realized what they were asking. 

Were you trying for twins?

Yes.  Want to know how?  Well, you slaughter a chicken at noon, have the crazy sex after that (don’t worry I’ll draw pictures for you and we made a video), then you fry the chicken for dinner.  You’re very hungry after all that sex.  Anyway, do this for a week and you’ll be pregnant with twins.  Easy stuff.

Are your twins natural?

As opposed to alien?  Really?  Are you asking me if they are organic and grass-fed?  Do some children come out looking less natural? 

Did you know you would have twins?

Yep.  The magic eight ball told me when I was seven.  I’ve just been waiting.

Did you receive fertility treatment?

This one I’m cool with.  It’s a straight forward curiosity question, and at least the person probably does not believe this question is offensive or they would go to the trouble the other people do to pretend they are asking something else.

I’m sure like most issues, people have different reactions to these kinds of questions.  The question I am getting most frequently right now when I am allowed to venture out for appointments is, “Are you going to birth on my foot?”  It’s a fair question.  I think I am going to put a sign on my stomach that says TWINS STILL BAKING just so people will know.